Wednesday, August 03, 2016

Used To.

I used to be aggressively blunt, as once said in XXL.
I used to be fun loving.
I used to always want to fight.
I used to hate Jay-Z.
I used to be jealous of Drake.

At one point, I held a lot of resentment toward Jimmy Iovine.

Just had to get those things off my chest.


I'm not aggressively blunt anymore, because this new crop of artists present themselves to be confrontational.
If I say trap rappers are unsophisticated and ignorant, I run the risk of a problem.

I mean, fuck 'em, but still.
I have more than just myself to worry about.

But although the father of trap (in my eyes) is J Dilla (see Donuts), I feel like trap doesn't require too much talent.
Or wisdom.

I can enjoy having fun, but since 2013, I've sacrificed my willingness to have fun and happiness for music.
Such doesn't make music a job or a chore, but it does make it difficult to resonate with people.
Including family.

At least family respects the craft.

I'm small.
And I've been bullied.
So confrotation(s) aren't my forte.
But I am a 6, and I represent them.
And the others are KNOWN for fuckin niggas up.
It's a conflict whenever I see or experience someone trying to get the best of me.
I love Chris Young, but I can't help feeling used.

I used to hate Jay because I felt he was misleading the youth.
Drug sales and wealth talk led inner city kids to make poor decisions.
His ability to get people to rally behind him shouldn't be taken lightly.
And when you have a story like Jay, you should be willing to share your experiences AND inspire.
Not enable young, misguided Black teens to be criminals.
Once I learned more about his story, I started to appreciate his story more.
I just hope it's not too late for the rest of the world to understand him.

But, at the same time, I want to be understood.
I hate myself for being a rape victim.
Granted I was young, but I didn't know what to do.
I was scared.
And I have ties with some powerful people, so I thought I would lose my spot.

To quote Jean Grae, "Every man's touch is a doozy."

I don't like gay people, because the pain I felt is far from something I would consider pleasure.
I'm mad awkward around women.
My touch and demeanor might be too soft for them.

I hate being soft.
Which is why I wanted to fight all the time.
Or, want to fight all the time.

Drake and I came out in the mainstream around the same time.
I went more underground, he went pop.
But I had so many people behind me with pop expectations.
And he was rubbing his success in the face of everyone out at the time.
I wouldn't do the same thing anyway, but I felt his blanket statements on rappers were aimed at me.
So I sent him some subliminal jabs.

He might have responded.

Nowadays, the cool thing is to diss Drake.
Ironically, when I sent my latest jab, Joe Budden when on the assault.

I'm not like the other niggas that diss you, Drake.
You should know why I get at you.
In fact, such is the reason a lot of people get at you.

But love is love.
I'm going to approach my conversations about you as though you actually got love for Mr. Hamilton.

I have reason to believe you do.

Alas, Jimmy.
I thought we had established a bond.
That's why I thought him dropping me was fucked up.
I know more now, but still.
We vibes and talked, outside of the office.
It just seemed like he had a brighter plan for me.
I don't hate him, but I still feel embarrassed at the notion of him discarding me for reasons no one is certain of.

If you let certain A&Rs tell it, I was wylin out.
But I wasn't.
I was just in a volatile heterosexual relationship with a celebrity's daughter-in-law.

Do you guys hate straight love that much?

I should be over it all, by now.
But it's a part of my everyday life.
So, I can't avoid it.

But there is still and always SEGA.

"McNast IS the shit!"
-J Dilla

~follow the buzzards~

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