Tuesday, September 06, 2016

Talise was an angel.

As wack as my mother could be to me at times, she was an angel.
A living, walking, breathing angel.
And I love her for the discipline she instilled in me.

I'm as disciplined as my uncle.
And she wouldn't have it any other way.
I know my mother loved me.
I just let my demons get the best of me.

Narcotics can turn you against your family.
I learned such the hard way.
So to my little cousin Ryan, clean yourself up.
Your birthday is in a few days.
You should be in a better place for yourself.
You got a lot going on in your subconscious, and I can't be there for you all the time.
You have your own demons to fight.

So fight them.

And keep the love my mother had for you in your heart.

Sometimes I believed she loved you more than she loved me.
I thought the family loved you more than they love me.
Our bond became a competition.

Well, in that sense, I might have beat you.

But I still love you.
It just might be too late to try to intervene.

Back to my mom.

It's hard not having you around.
Just looking at you is reassurance that everything would be okay.
When I look at my grandmother, all I see is you.
So I have to protect and love my grandmother the way I did you.

I'm glad you saw me perform before you passed.
I'm glad Lupe gave you a hug.
I'm glad Turn First respected you.
I want you to know that you being under a roof I was paying for with my gifts was all I ever wanted.

We're even.
Though nothing could've prepared me for losing you.

I might not stop talking about my mother.
I can't wait until the documentary drops so I can hear you speak again.

I miss you Mama the Hedgehog.
I really do.

Tell God I'm gonna rule music until he comes to get me.
Then in ruling music in Heaven.

Later, y'all.
Got some music to make.

~follow the buzzards~

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