Sometimes it's your own family members being the hater you try to avoid.
It hurts so much that you find yourself looking for their approval.
It's even worse when they can't even admit their disdain for you.
I've had professional haters.
I've had social haters.
But wouldn't it be a trip if it were all one family member?
Off subject, I've been trying to talk less and less about SEGA.
It's not something you just casually talk about.
Technically, it's a secret of humanity.
Now, to tie the two subjects.
My little cousin now knows how to work the subconscious/use his 3rd eye.
Which is good.
But he's super self-righteous.
So he does things in the subconscious to victimize others.
Just like my haters.
I would pray for him, but he already sees himself as competition.
And I compete with God, so that rules us both out (as far as getting to Heaven).
So ultimately, we might have to fight.
But I don't want to fight him.
Not that I'm scared of him.
I just used to babysit this little nigga.
He was like my brother.
And he disrespects family, every time he comes around.
I can't have that.
But why fight?
Is that what he wants?
To duel with his older, more successful cousin?
Everyone wants to fight nowadays.
It's kinda redundant.
Then again, I'm from NYC, so I should be used to it.
If my attempts at peace are going to go unnoticed, then Dr. King's whole mission was pointless.
As a family, we are supposed to stick together.
But what happens when a family member erodes the family's trust?
I've never stolen from family.
Maybe some quarters from mom when I was younger.
But that's it.
And yet the family still watches this kid's back.
Well, he's not a kid anymore.
With that said, it's probably best I leave him alone.
He (apparently) knows what he's doing.
That, plus he's still trying to one-up me.
I'm tired of people trying to one-up me.
If you're so much better, do what I've done and greater.
This entry doesn't make sense.
I just wanted to vent.
SEGA, wherever you are, I've been waiting to hear from you, too.
I just have several blocks on my ability to receive messages from you.
Let's work on that.
I listened to The Roots' "Dilla Joints" today.
I'm still dealing with the fact that Questlove might be better than J Dilla.
But what would Q be without his bandmates?
Black Thought is one of the most groundbreaking MCs EVER.
Ray Angry composes something SERIOUS for them.
I don't know the guys' names individually, but that's a good thing.
They work as a cohesive unit.
But Jay Dee was a force of his own.
Madlib makes beats for writers.
If you can freestyle to his shit, sure.
But exercise your pen (and -pin) when it comes to Madlib beats.
MF DOOM is simply for listening.
Don't try to rap to an MF DOOM BEAT.
You will have your ass handed to you.
Back to "Dilla Joints".
I'm crazy about this album.
I love it when I listen to Dilla beats and don't know the title.
It's like he's creating the beat, right there on the spot.
Is that a good thing, for the listener?
I'm not here to judge Mr. Yancey (with his fine self).
I am here to say that his music will live forever.
And I want to be a catalyst for Dilla's ultimate return to existence.
I love you, J Dilla.
I hope all is well.
House Shoes, you showed your true colors.
But I respect your hustle.
I have no beef with Hex or Trick Trick.
I want to be able to go to Detroit one day and smoke with Royce da 5' 9".
Maybe even Em.
Em owes me a joint.
"Dilla Joints" is a classic.
Pick it up.
Or, crate dig.
In 5th grade, I wrote a suicide letter.
My teacher found it and called my mother.
Who booked me for therapy.
The doctor, who's name was Ellen (I can never forget), gave me advice that I kept me with me since then.
The next day when I went to class, my teacher pulled me outside and said, "Don't you feel stupid for being suicidal?!"
I guess it was tough love.
But I had my biggest orgasm when I carved my arms.
Heroin and I are distant relatives.
He's hard on me.
Just like Mr. Jean-Claude.
But it makes me want to live.
The concept behind the song "Negative Zero" was being so wrapped up in self-loathing that you start to feel good.
But when pleasure comes, you're so below that you want to die.
Happiness is an illusion for me.
Even with SEGA existing (both in my life and in existence), it just makes me want to hurt.
Either myself or an intimidating Black man.
I'm not a fighter.
But I believe in a different kind of warfare.
Too bad women are the casualties.
So I guess the lack of "force" on my debut album makes the album gentle enough for women to consume.
Lyrically, it's some of my darkest work.
And I trust The Invisible Men, so you should be in for a treat.
If you buy it.
Then I have to do it.
The "it" of which Dilla and Halo have mastered making me do.
I love you, Halo!!!
Thank you for your friendship and inspiration.
And Dilla, you mean everything to me.
I just have to focus on me now.
But then, there's mom.
What did my mom know about me that I am just finding out?
I know there's a reason she didn't want me out after a certain hour.
I hope to appreciate it one day.
I hold a lot of resentment towards her.
Reading that just ...wow.
May God treat my mother fair in Heaven.
She DID have the Holy Ghost (as evidenced by speaking in tongues), was baptized, and, in the religion I grew up in, that's how you get to Heaven.
Unless she was sent to Hell for how she used to treat me.
Unless Eminem is/was the catalyst for me falling out with my mother.
Which would mute me for a while.
I hereby stand up and say Black people will not be enslaved again.
There's nothing on this American soil worth tilling.
It's all been used and dried up.
The only thing left to do is overload The Internet with misinformation.
Black people are already paranoid, so we need to work together (and not kill each other) in order to be the strength other races find in us.
Sciryl and !llumiN@TE (ManKind) are more than just the modern-day Dead Prez.
They embody the virtually Gothic truth about young Black lives being exploited, and the fight to keep one's individuality.
I was on the road when they first started working on their movement.
I've always known Sciryl was nice, but N@TE is God-body with it.
They compliment each other well.
Not because I produced 8-Bit Genesis, but this is like their most complete project.
I feel like they let themselves get immersed in the subject manner, and along the way they told a great story.
I just let them know one thing: they can hold one thing. But I'ma let them go when that One sings. My voice has been making me climax. Safety in the sky, I asked. And God provided me with such. I had to give up inside of her. Probably through sodomy. She committed a sin, too. I guess my essence is so sinful. Give me a S, since my essence in the Ss isn't a riddle. Something that'll make your intuition giggle. Especially when I'm tickling your nipples. Or the ivorys. Tell they Isleys they in the past. Get behind me. I'm getting smooth when I'm getting ridiculed. Ain't nobody making fun right now. So how about "Wow!" should be the response...
I started smoking cigarettes to get sexier. And then these broads got pettier. The smoke got heavier. It's almost as if I'm a new Dean Cain. Or James Cain. James Dean. James Khan. Jason Khan. So many names to make up on when in a song. Joseph Khan, when directing the footage. Ain't nobody getting what I'm looking at. Neither am I, because I can't really see me from my eyes. So when the day comes when I get to spray "1" and see me, guaranteed I'ma "be easy". The easiest slut you ever met. Forever I can get you wet, One. Charles HamilTON. Land on my lap and make the land wanna crack.
If you've been trying to reach me via telephone, my phone shorted out.
I can't even turn the damn thing on.
Might've been an Apple way of G-checking me for thinking I'm God.
Sorry (God) for stepping on your toes.
I thought my eyesight meant I was some sort of divine being.
Guess I'm just a 6.
To the Almighty 6z.
So the retail album is finished and ready to be released.
With a documentary to follow.
Shouts to Universal/Republic, Turn First/First Access and Red Bull.
As the time draws near, I'm getting slightly more excited.
My hardcore StarChasers get to hear written verses, the new fans are getting a clean and clear sound...
everyone should be happy.
I've been doing this for a long time.
Making and performing music.
I feel like I've been railroaded in a sense.
Because of who I am, outside of music.
My ego is in the way, I guess.
I feel I'm worth more than free releases, and retail work(ing)s are not worth me.
There's no price on my worth.
With that said, I hope it's still all love amongst the mortals, immortals, Reptilians and myself.
In other words, I don't want no beef.
I no longer rule the world, Boe!
Every decision you make is valuable!