Monday, February 20, 2017

A (very) High Post

Can't tell you what I'm high on.
Just know I'm high.
And reflecting.

I have a girlfriend.
And... this always happens.
I doubt her love, show resentment for the duration of the relationship, and feel miserable when the relationship is over.
I try not to ruin it, but that's what I do.

I'm using the juices of the goddesses to continue everyday.
For that, I'm sorry.
I should use my own mind.
But my mind gets hijacked by a bunch of people who don't know my worth.
Or know my worth, and are belittling me for success.

Do you ever wonder how that makes me feel?

I've been having long conversations with people about only dropping one project this year/possibly forever.
I'm so upset with my StarChasers.
If you only knew how deep my unwritten songs were, you would appreciate it.
It takes skill to do what I do.
Both as an artist and as The All Seeing Eye.

I feel like I lost my essence.
Through sex.
Both consensual and non-consensual.

My uncle and I had a long talk on Friday.
I won't get into detail, but he basically beat me to suicide.

Let me spoil the surprise for you.
I was going to commit suicide at age 30 (see the below picture), on November 30th of my 30th year.

I am the only 3.
I may be one of 4 when it comes to being a 6, but there is no other 3.

Not even Trey Songz.

To my bullies of the past, why did you pick on me?
I just wanted to love life.
To the girls that wouldn't give me the time of day, why not?
And why now?
To be fair, they don't try to holla now.
I guess they know I'd get really Mike Jones on they asses.

But it felt good to fuck Amber.

I miss Simone.
Both the Simones I fell in love with, and the concept of a woman seeing me as her master.

I think I'm afraid of life.
More afraid of life than it is of me.
As an elephant, I'm a mouse.
I scare the others, but their big enough to kill me.

But I'm Charles Hamilton.

Such, strangely, speaks for itself.

But who am I to you StarChasers?

~follow the buzzards~

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