Thursday, March 02, 2017

"The raw, the guns, the violence, it's all right with me..."

The above is a Juelz Santana quote.

I'm a rookie at this magick thing.
I was once afraid of it.
My mom used Tarot, and it put her in a mental hospital.
I used to pray witches out of my life (thank you, Lord).
And I never understood Alchemy.

But when the chips were down and I had no one to turn to (God was busy), I turned to magick.
And it worked.

And when it appeared that SEGA had left me on Earth (for good), it was the only thing that kept me going.

I acknowledge the power of magick.

Also, in high school I wasn't a Goth.
I just didn't give a fuck.
At all.
I was somewhere between the class clown and the outcast.

I was ALWAYS interested in Gothic Subculture, but I grew up in a Christian household (RIP mom), so certain music (ESPECIALLY AND SPECIFICALLY Eminem) wasn't tolerated.

And once again, when I had no one to turn to, I had the comforting pariah of being a Goth.
However, I run/ran the risk of being called "a poser".
When I fell out with Halo, that was the first thing he called me out on.

Damn again.

I am no stranger to evil.
But I am a child of the light.

My wicked ways have been attracting the weirdest people and scaring away those who could truly love me.
My mother took my original Spellbook before she died.
I won't say whether or not I have another one.
I still read Tarot.
Never is it a positive reading.
Sometimes it is, but ...nah.
Nothing good is in the cards.
At least nothing I don't already know about.

But yes.
Magick is the only thing keeping me happy.
Magick doesn't have to understand you in order for it to work.
Just like me.
I understand you all.
I don't like anyone anymore.
All I want is to be alone.

Let my music, FROM DAY ONE, reflect such.
It would be cool to have some friends, but I like to smoke weed, and I can't get high with anyone anymore.
Everyone says I get weird when I get high.
I probably do.
But you would still use me, so what's it to you?

I am not Lil B.
I do not and will not announce who I put a curse/spell on.
Just know that YOU ALL are on the chopping block.

I'm hurt, y'all.
But only magick is healing my wounds.
Magick makes me smile.
Sex doesn't do it.
Drugs, though relieving, don't do it.
It's music and magick.
And if you don't like the music, I'm right back where I started.

But I know I'm talented.
Very talented.
And I want to dive deeper into my newly discovered talent of magick.
So, I use magick to define my music.
And music to define my marriage.

If I can't get the mental ward bitch back, I STILL found a love that can and will stand the test of time.

I know there are more skilled Psychics, Witches (Wizards) and Alchemists out there.
But you aren't using it for what I'm using it for.
I have boarded TWA, and I'm going to fly in coach (since Beyonce's in first class) until I reach my destination.

Destination: Absolution
Destination: Love
Destination: Peace of Mind
Destination: RESPECT
Destination: Perfection (musically)
Destination: Happiness

I don't know what it means to be a 6.
I don't bust my gun(s), I don't send faggots to the wall...
I'm not George and Dilla.
In fact, I'm more Jack than I care to elaborate on.
And Daft Punk is new to the pentagram, so I can't count on them.
In fact, I'm gonna be the one showing them shit (after they show me what they've got).

But I don't fuck around.

It's just me, music and magick.


Thank you Florin (my first Goth friend) for accepting me.
And to my fellow Goths, I'm sorry for trying so hard.
I just believe in you.

The Male SuicideGirl.

~follow the buzzards~

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