Saturday, March 04, 2017

What if Mom was God?

So here's why I boned some dude.
Who happens to be a 6 (thus making it a personal victory).

Not only was I trying to deny and defy God, I was trying to be ...

There's several reasons.

First of all, I thought I was being tortured in Harlem by Doomers I was living with/moved in with
So I figured if I paused out, I wouldn't feel the pain anymore.
The pain is worse now, because I loathe myself and my penis for even thinking the shit would work.
And I still (periodically) feel the pain of not being able to defend myself in times of DOOM.

So, there's that.

Second, I wanted to deny God and embrace 6.
Somehow forgetting that God is a bad bitch and loves me.

Third, the other 6z left me when I was in London for the first time.
If I pause out, they would control my every move.
A risk, because women could do the same thing, and put me in the most incriminating of situations.

Fourth (perhaps finally), I wanted to defy my mother.
My mother was very homophobic growing up.
I felt bad for gay people, but I slowly started to agree with her the older I got.
But it was when my mom said I should "shake it off" about being raped that I figured being gay (or at least doing something gay) was the wisest decision.

I still don't like gay people, and I hate myself even deeper for boning some guy.
No excuses.
I'm sure Lisa (or whoever I'm dating) doesn't approve.

I think Lisa and I are gonna break up soon.

Why is this world so damn gay?
Why is this world so gay?

Moving on...

Jeff (or Jay-Z, or whoever he is) uses me in a way I can't describe.
So fifth, I wanted to not be useful to him.
It's hard to get along with him.
But it's hard not to love him.
He was like a superhero to me growing up.
Even though I rarely saw.

I used to think my mom was God herself.
Which made Sunday School a trip.
My mother new The Word of God.
And made miracles happen (sometimes).

Fuck this.
How do I know I'M not God?
I know God supposedly lives in us all, but damn.
I'm ...something else, as I've heard about me.

Let me close this blog post before I lose anymore fans.

The Socratic Doomer
July 17th, 2017

I will define 7.

~follow the buzzards~

No comments: