Sunday, 21 May 2017

My heart will go on...

I haven't felt a lot of love in New York.
Bullies, bourjois bad bitches and snakey corporate folk kept me on my toes and away from people.
I love my family, and I could leave it there, but I feel incomplete.
It's not about Scooter anymore.
There was a point in my life when I was over it, and my GothicSwag carried me from day to day.
Then I got in the industry, and everything became a trigger.

I'm working on not being so sensitive.
However, it's not me causing my paranoia.

It must be a NY thing.
New Yorkers think they know me better than I know myself.
And they MIGHT.

I'm just not comfortable here.
My thoughts are slower than the speed of the city, though just as epic as our fallen Towers.

I didn't want to say anything NOW.
I was gonna wait until I had pictures to go along with it.
But here it is.

I found my brother.

And he is back home in Cleveland.

I still have to talk to my uncle about it, but I might be leaving NYC sooner than later.

To be with my brother.

I shouldn't have to pause that.

My heart beats with innocence when I talk to him.
I don't worry about my career or public image with him.
He knows what I've been through.
Both at the hands of family and in the business.

I love my brother.
BLOOD brother.

This could be the awakening I need.
You might not get any more free music from me, but know that I will be making music.

And now, I have the only audience I've ever wanted.

Hey StarChasers.
Can you keep a secret?

I still love Scooter, no matter what he did to me.
I forgive him.
Forgetting is the hardest part.
I see him everywhere!
I can smell him.
I hear his voice.
He's permanently in my mind.
I didn't like him growing up.
He was a bully.
But he used to always call me Little Man, and would mock the kind of authority I would "dish out".

I think Scooter was preparing me for worship.
Or, just New York.

I'll miss this city.
Then again, maybe I won't.
Maybe the migration I made here at age 5 was forced on me.
My mother asked if I wanted to move here, and to make her happy, I said yes.

I'm afraid of New York.

ALL you niggas is hard.

I just wanted to put a little love into the city.
Hence the *curse* I put on it in "Loser".

You'll find it.

~follow the buzzards~

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