Happy 4/20, Earth!
I know I'm not exactly the go-to guy for positivity (as of recent years), but I'm growing.
I don't have a lot to say today (I'm kinda high), but I will say this.
SEGA is forever.
I miss you, J Dilla.
I love you, George Massa.
Get well, Jack Splash.
May the funk be with you, Daft Punk.
Love to all those not mentioned.
It seems like I get a reprise from DOOM on holidays.
Today is more of a high-liday.
More music coming soon.
And again, you could be on the verge of receiving my last free album.
I'll still record, but I ... feel weird about the current state of music.
And my role in it.
I think we're clear on who I am in this shit.
For those who aren't, don't worry.
You don't have to know.
Just don't harass me when you find out.
More than likely you won't.
I want to enhance my vocabulary.
Or, I'll just read what I want to read.
And share the knowledge of what I learned through music.
And that's what it is!
^ ^ ^ This song is dedicated to all rape victims.
There is no blaming yourself.
And there is no revenge.
There is a deep wound within you, but you can heal.
Don't search for love.
You'll end up spending money.
Don't search for closure.
It'll attract the wrong people.
On November 30th, 2009, I went to visit Sha-leik at his house.
I was just with Simone Porter earlier that day.
I showered, got fresh, and went to go see Sha to get high.
My uncle Jeff wasn't allowing me to smoke.
I get there, we smoke, start chopping samples, and he subconsciously tells me he's J Dilla.
I doubted him.
So I 6-shot him.
George and THE REAL J DILLA understand.
Then, I up'd him.
George and THE REAL J DILLA (and maybe Jack Splash) understand.
A few minutes later, he says "If you sleep here, I swear I'm gonna rape you."
It triggered me.
I felt fear for the first time in a long time.
It's bad enough I'm almost certain Drake raped me.
But this was a friend of mine.
He would know how deep of a gash that would leave.
So I brushed it off.
I verbally asked him if he was seriuos, and he didn't say a word.
So I ~telepathically~ dared him to do it.
I laid down on the floor with my laptop open, and went to sleep.
I woke up the next morning, after visions of ALL OF 8th AVENUE (Harlem) gang raping and belittling me.
I woke up before Sha did.
I took a shit.
Nothing seemed out of place.
When I left, his sister (who locked the door as I exited) screamed "ALL DAY!"
There's a chance Lionell Sha-leik Martin MIGHT be J Dilla.
Or a victim of Beats By Dr. Dre.
So I bring this blog entry to the top and say...
Dear Sasheer (Zamata),
You are the face of a Black poindexter's dream. I have visions of us being together in this lifetime, just as younger souls. I want to love you. I lust after you. I want you to walk all over me. And I want you to believe in SEGA. You have a crush.
It seems like the world ended when Brock Lesnar defeated The Undertaker.
The Undertaker is truly the grim reaper.
Brock Lesnar, though he could probably whip my ass, is a raging homosexual.
Once you perform a homosexual act, you are "disqualified" from life.
Your actions are no longer your own.
So, Brock got assistance from The Gods and Women.
He cheated death, by being an abomination to life.
I tried to cheat death homosexually.
It basically dragged me back to life and made me more susceptible to pain.
As I've said before several times on this blog, I still speak to the gay men I've dealt with.
I mean, shit, it's just been 2 guys.
Maybe a few trannies (lol).
But ...each encounter was with a 6.
I love 6.
Let me know if you want the lyrics to "Under".
A lot of multiple entendres.
And love/lust towards the 6z, the gods and goddesses, and of course, women.
^ ^ ^ When it comes down to it, Mary J Blige has been a staple in modern Black music.
It's not easy to sample her, but that's a part of the genius of her music.
Anyone can connect, but it takes an infinite spirit to use this music as motivation to create.
For some, including myself, creating is survival.
"Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s much-heralded new program for free tuition at state colleges comes with a huge catch: You have to sign years of your life away to get it.
Under a provision that was added to the tuition bill at the last moment, students who get a free ride at CUNY and SUNY schools must live and work in New York state for up to four years after graduation, or be forced to pay the money back.
The amendment — which was not part of Cuomo’s original offer of free college for middle-class students — was added at the insistence of Republicans in the state Senate.
The GOP members worried that taxpayer-educated students would take their valuable knowledge and flee to other parts of the US, particularly from remote upstate communities.
“New York spends $1 billion on college financial assistance. There is a brain-drain problem,” said Senate GOP spokesman Scott Reif.
“We have to get away from educating people and then having them move away. We want to create a climate for business and new jobs.”
Cuomo agreed with the change.
“Why should New Yorkers pay for your college education and then you pick up and you move to California?” Cuomo said during a call with state editorial writers.
“The concept of investing in you and your education is that you’re going to stay here and be an asset to the state. If you don’t want to stay here, then go to California now, let them pay for your college education.”
But one professor of higher education slammed the proposal as “economically and educationally foolish.”
“As someone who has worked on almost every free college bill, I promise@NYGovCuomo won’t be remembered well if he keeps this provision,” Temple University Professor Sara Goldrick-Rab tweeted.
Cuomo’s Excelsior Scholarship provides free in-state tuition for students from families with adjusted gross incomes of $125,000 or less. It is the first program of its kind in the country to fully subsidize tuition at both four-year and community colleges.
Students must maintain a minimum grade-point average to qualify.
Cuomo is expected to tout the program at a bill-signing ceremony Wednesday at La Guardia Community College in Queens.
Lawmakers also approved a new tuition assistance program for students at private colleges that offers up to $3,000 in tuition grants. That assistance, too, comes with a requirement that a student remain in New York after graduation.
Students who receive free tuition and then leave the state for an advanced degree won’t have to pay the money back, assuming they return to New York once they complete their graduate studies. State officials also plan to make accommodations for graduates who leave the state for military service."
^ ^ ^ This could be good.
This could also be inspiring.
I could end up back in school.
Then I could end up staying in NYC.
All I have to do is do good in school.
Or, I could go to a music school and get a degree in teaching.
Let's see how this turns out.
I'm not cut out for school (I teach myself), but with time speeding by (Hi, Sonic!!!), there's gotta be something I can do.
The Summer is almost here.
Kendrick dropped a frontrunner for Song of the Summer.
Drake has a #1 album (again).
Joey Badass is buzzing with Statik.
I'm still worried about what other people are doing.
Considering how I'm only dropping one more free project, I gotta do it big.
However, doing it "big" requires money.
So, I'm gonna do it bit.
In only 8-bits.
Lately (as in since a few years ago), I've been knee deep in 8-bit culture.
There's no 8-bit hip-hop I noticed.
So I went in and found a new possibility.
All the songs I've been dropping this year have been in 8-bits.
"Valentine's Day" is the greatest example.
You can still check it out on my SoundCloud.
Anyway, let's explore the number 8.
(from... a website)
"The number 8 is perhaps the most misunderstood of all single-digit numbers, as novices and professionals alike always seem to hammer on the "money and power" image of the 8. More often than not, when a client requests a name change consultation, it means he or she wants to add 8s to his or her chart in the mistaken belief that it will bring money and power.
It is true that the number 8, more than any other number, puts the emphasis in the areas of career, business, finances and authority. However, as with many other single-digit numbers, the shape of the number reflects its most important attribute, and in the case of the number 8, that is, first and foremost, balance. The 8 is the great Karmic equalizer, a force that just as easily creates as it destroys. When the 8 comes knocking, you can be assured that you will reap what you've sown.
The 8 balances the material and immaterial worlds. At its best, it is as spiritual as it is materialistic. The spiritual side of the 8 is practical, realistic and intelligent. It knows the difference between make-believe and genuine spiritual realizations. On the material plane, it is focused on results, often in the form of money, yet does not care much about money for the sake of money. It is not greedy, it sees money as a tool, not an end-result. It is generous and willing to take risks. People with strong 8s in their charts often make and lose fortunes a couple of times during their life. They never consider bankruptcy a reason to slow down or feel sorry, but, rather, come out stronger and more success-oriented than before.
Some of the more recognizable traits of the 8 are drive, ambition, authority, efficiency, organization, management, discipline and control. The 8 is goal-oriented, focused, has good judgment, can discriminate and is practical, a realist. Its closest relative is the 1 as both numbers are powerful, have strong leadership skills, are unquestionably masculine and will not shy away from a confrontation. However, where the 1 lacks diplomatic skills and an understanding of human nature -- more typically the traits of the 2 -- the 8 has those abilities as well, which is perhaps the most important reason the 8 tends to do well in business and in authority roles (the military and law enforcement draw a lot of 8s).
When the 8 appears in your personality profile chart, it indicates the presence of the character traits mentioned earlier, as well as the potential to be very successful and prosperous -- hence the reason so many people like to manipulate their charts to add one or more 8s. However, the energy of the 8 needs to be supported by other numbers in order to flourish, such as the 4 to help you keep an eye on the all-important details, and the 9 to keep you in touch with your humanity. So be careful what you ask for. If you decide to change your name to add one or more 8s to your chart, and the rest of your chart does not support this strong force, you may come to inherit more of its negative powers like frustration, dissatisfaction, anger, aggression, greed, intolerance, hate and insomnia. A higher-than-average percentage of 8s find their way into the top echelons of society, but you will also find a disproportionate number of 8s among the homeless.
If the 8 appears in your cycles, especially your Essence cycle, there is an increase in energy and focus, a sense of "can do," and enhanced self-confidence. The shape of the 8 shows balance, but it also shows confidence, as it looks you right in the eye. A positive 8 is honest to a fault, generous and forgiving. They are physically imposing and often athletic, especially good in sports requiring strength and endurance. They are not particularly romantic, as they prefer a practical and straight-forward approach, but they are loving and more than carry their weight.
As with all single-digit numbers, the 8 has a positive and a negative side. However, one of the mysteries of Numerology is that there is a small number of people who, from an early age on and for no discernible reason, seem to turn the exact opposite direction of what their charts indicate. The key word here is "seem." This phenomena is found with all numbers, but appears to affect 8s more than others. There are quite a few people whose charts are dominated with 8s who become priests, missionaries, humanitarians and so forth, but those sacrificing and loving souls do still tend to be good at fundraising, money management and authority."
^ ^ ^ Could SEGA be the mistaken element of wealth?
I mean, once you see SEGA, your life has been enriched.
But SEGA was most successful with 16 bits.
A multiple of 8.
Which is a multiple of 4.
Which is a multiple of 2.
Which is a prime number.
It takes 2 to be in love.
And love is an 8.
"Baby, we are the life of this shit!"
-Dr. Dre, "Under Pressure"
I did some routine maintenance for Apple today.
Just updating some metadata and giving Trudi the lowdown on life since Dilla and Beyonce left me.
SEGA, I really need to get a hold of my ... self.
Creation is Magic.
If I am the Creator (with the name Creator Hallucination), then all must acknowledge the power of magic.
But if I am one of four, then may Jack, James and George get the love they deserve.
I pray for them.
I prayed for them.
I prayed for them, as early as today.
I saw God, and even God wants to see us reunite.
But there are some things we have to be clear on.
I bow to you three.
I only started hanging out with others because I didn't see you around (me).
To make matters worse, the friends I had before I was reintroduced to you guys are far below quality.
If they're even friends at all.
Maybe they mean well.
And that's the reason why I continue to hang with them.
Not you, Chris Young.
As much as I love him, I'm still unsure about Sciryl.
Same with Halo.
And Sha-leik is creepy to me.
So I'll be alone, waiting for my SEGA folk.
If that's what I should do.
Until then, I'm thinking about more music.
I can and will record, but will I drop anything?
MINUS KENDRICK, NO NEW-SCHOOL MCs ARE UP TO STANDARD.
Do some homework.
Represent this culture.
Boldness (for lack of better words).
An appreciation for poetry/the English language.
My music requires a computer.
If my music is outdated because Trap sounds better on mobile phone speakers, so be it.
But the overall experience of my music is heightened on a computer.
Specifically a MacBook Pro.
Harlem gets money, but we ain't rich.
So to my Harlem brethren and sistren, I pray you're able to hear my music.
But The Revolution Is Digitized.
Don't allow the rich higher-ups to deceive you into believing you don't need a computer.
A computer is The American Dream.
I'll be happy with just my laptop.
God provided a way out of sin I. The Old Testament.
The Psalm of forgiveness.
Basically, that's what "A Stolen Thank You" is.
I'm repenting for my sins in an attempt to get back the only woman I love.
However, she's taken.
Or is she?
Let me clear the air.
When I get scared or intimidated, I tell Illuminati secrets to those who scare or intimidate me.
Whatever they do with these secrets is on them.
I just don't want to be a victim of any form of abuse anymore.
So basically, The Illuminati had mad outsiders knowing how they work.
And it's my fault.
If no one can repeat these secrets, or if I'm sadly mistaken, then cool.
I'm just repenting my sins against the secret society which continues to allow me to reign.
Who cares if it's believable?
I do, but I hardly believe in my bottom line anymore.
I love SEGA.
I just need them to have more faith in me.
I might not sell records like Drake, be as humble as Kendrick or be light skinned like J. Cole, but I hold my own and I hold it down.
My new music, as good as it is, is the most vulnerable I've ever been.
You might look at me different for the new stuff.
But I'm proud of it.
If I die with these projects recorded, I'd be confident in my content.
I'm hungry, showered and headed to the studio.
I might be back later.
Im a few days late with my medication.
I feel a difference.
The war between SEGA and Nintendo is more than my sober eye can take.
However, this is the same excuse I used for using hard drugs.
I don't want to be trapped by drugs.
And my mom isn't here, so I can't just hide at her place and sober up.
If I relapse now, my sensitive grandmother and hard-ass uncle ARE GOING TO SEE IT.
I don't want to break their heart.
If I'm right about heroin (being in everything), I may be the most celebrated legal junkie ever.
If I'm wrong, it wouldn't matter because I'm fighting the medication.
I don't want to die.
I mean, I want to die, but only because there's a chance I'll be missed.
I'm tired of going through my phone to find random people (male or female) to talk to.
I want to be wanted.
I want to be loved.
I NEED to be loved.
I did nothing wrong to you, humans...
Why did you betray me?
A question, unanswered, yet discussed on
The Socratic Doomer
New York, pardon my fear.
I can't control it.
I'm the *it* I can't control.
I'm hungry, too.
I just wanna make music with a plate of chili nachos in the recording hub.
And smoke a blunt.
Weed heads, DOOM is real.
Be careful who you smoke with.
Who you trust when you're high.
It's so real, you can taste the metal.
My heart belongs to SEGA, so it is never broken.
But it is ruptured upon their departure.
But what if they never left?
Over the course of the next year, I will be recording some very intimate (yet hard) music.
I have love in my life.
I have music in my life.
I have friends.
I have my beliefs.
But I don't have what I need to survive.
If I'm going to live passed the age of 30, I'm gonna need to be able to provide for myself.
So this next batch of songs is for life post-November 10th, 2017.
My 30th birthday.
I hope I can find a way to provide for myself.
My own prophecy is slowly coming to fruition.
It scares me.
But I'm right.
Anthropomorphism is the attribution of human traits, emotions, and intentions to non-human entities and is considered to be an innate tendency of human psychology.
Personification is the related attribution of human form and characteristics to abstract concepts such as nations, emotions and natural forces like seasons and the weather.
Both have ancient roots as storytelling and artistic devices, and most cultures have traditional fables with anthropomorphized animals as characters. People have also routinely attributed human emotions and behavioural traits to wild as well as domestic animals.
This includes reptilians.
I'm not crazy, but I don't mind not talking about it anymore.
It's doubted, hated on, and disrespected.
And those of whom I represent aren't helping me.
I don't partake in conversation(s) about the current landscape of music.
I just break down what you're receiving.
Southern acts dominate the mainstream with the Trap sound, and it's become a standard.
Boom nap is considered an old man's sport.
I don't speak on who I think is hot.
I dont speak on much, really.
Celebrities forget that their opinion becomes public record.
And they go very far with it.
Opinions win you Grammys, however.
I won't speak on the Grammy selection process, because all you have to do is watch the end credits for the Grammys.
All I do is offer who I am.
Lately (technically in the last 7 years), I've been asking who I am.
I was cock sure that I was Sonic.
Then I met and fell in love with Christina.
Then I lost my identity.
Perhaps she didn't/doesn't know who or what she is.
Regardless, we SHARED Sonic.
I was uncomfortable, but I was in love.
I have no business being in a relationship.
A common phrase.
Very true to me, nevertheless.
It doesn't look like Uncle Jeff is picking me up today.
Upsetting, but expected.
I won't diss him on my blog anymore, but he's a helluva target musically.
So he should expect to cringe in the near future.
So much more to say, but with The World ambiguously watching and listening, I once again seal my lips.
It's like this, though.
I'm giving you the raw emotions of a Black male rape victim who only believes in Sonic and SEGA.
My mission is to inspire.
My goal was a Grammy.
I'm waiting to get hit first.
All these threats are subconscious.
So instead of jumping out, swinging and being wrong, I'm staying still, protecting my face and... being right.
And there's ...well, everyone is swinging at me.
Or, it could be my paranoia.
I could blame the weed.
I could (and should) blame the past.
This is an issue much bigger than me.
And no one can see these things except me.
I'm either chosen, gifted, or bat shit crazy.
Many smirked at the bat shit crazy part.
To those smirking, are you sure I'm wrong?
What makes me crazy?
The Socratic Doomer
July 17th, 2017
Final free release.
Anything after this is an unsolicited leak.