Numb (for someone)

Bro. Since recording "The Bipolar Sunshine", I have been NUMB. Clearly not TOO numb, because I sprained my ankle in my apartment last Wednesday. Thankfully I had guests, otherwise I would've been FUCKED getting back up.

Currently listening to "My Word" from "Crash Landed".

Back to #TBS.

I have felt NONE of the symptoms of bipolar/schizoaffective disorder since recording/producing #TBS. Which feels good. And leaves me feeling hollow. Very Korn. Still, I can't fight the feeling of... at least WANTING to be dead. I can see my body rise beyond the galaxy. I can see the black suit with the pink button down and pink checkered tie, with the black Chuck Taylors w/ pink laces. I SEE IT. I cursed myself to dying. If it ain't suicide, it will be murder. And it will be my fault. So I either watch my mouth (aka DON'T GO OUTSIDE), or face the fate I placed for myself since before age 8. 

Why did I do this to myself? Was life so bad back in the 90s that I cursed my future? I placed MANY people before me, and ended up GREATER than the rubric they kept FOR THEMSELVES. Then Dilla passed. That set me back a few decades. I'm not trying to be JUST LIKE him. I use him as my standard for musician ethics.

Moment of awkward silence, please.

I don't want to hurt myself. I don't want to feel hurt by the hands of another. I don't want to feel heartbreak. I don't want to break another heart. My fantasy girl is about to get married. I fucked that up. Baddie is seeing other people, and pretty much daring me to do the same. I don't feel I'm up to par with my LA cohorts, so I'm not actively out baggin bitches. I'm just alone. With music. And the memories of SEGA and Sonic.

I LOVE YOU, STARCHASERS. 
Safe to say, I'm dooinit for y'all.

Because I'm 20 years in. And I see no real revolution. 
Doing the same thing repeatedly, looking for a different outcome, is insantiy.

I'm thankful for all those who are mine.

#therebirth, on the way... !

Chopped -n- Cheese'd (or something of the sort)

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Chucked & Cheesed, as DJ eVOLVE calls it. 

That's how he describes my production technique when I used the turntables/Virtual DJ to chop the sample.

Technically, I learned the technique DIRECTLY from Halo. In fact, most of my DJ know-how I earned from him. Of course, I did my own thing with it. But yeah. Harlem knows my DJ/Production technique as Chucked & Cheesed. 

I love my hometown.

And of course, Cleveland comes DIRECTLY to mind.

And now, South Central.

Wow.

I'm a travellin' man...

#reborn

 

The Post About Cam'ron

I want this post to be well-written, yet easily digested. You, Mr. Giles, require a LOT of thought before speaking on.

I am currently listening to "The Pink Lavalamp" with 2 people. Them, to the fact and knowledge that they are more than what they seem. Basically, in a different form, I am with Doja Cat and Cam'ron. I handle Doja Doj with EXTREME care... when I spank her (verbally). But the Cam nigga in my apartment right now is ZONING to TPL. And when "Brighter Days" came on, we BOTH got emotional on the "I love Pink/I don't give a fuck about Cam'ron/and if I should get fucked up!,...' part.

Look man. We represent HARLEM. You from Lenox, I'm from Broadway. WE know and SEE the beauty of our neck of the woods. Listen... I'm not gonna tell you to patch up things with Jim, I'll say this...

As rich as you are, you need me.

Fuck that. You COULD USE me. Pause.

I respect you, Cam. I think you respect me too. We might have to converse one day. Just to be on the same page.

I might cry if I meet Cam'ron. Quietly, I've been following EVERYTHING he's been doing and IS doing... shit was crazy when... damn. Lost my thought.

I might be too white for Cam to hang around. Which sucks. But I am embracing my whiteness. It could get me places that being a "real nigga" can't. (HUGE lol, but we gon keep it moving)

Reminder, weed is in my system. 

Now we're lisetning to "Live Life To The Fullest". The Cam joint is knocked out. lol I have no idea what song was the knock out blow.

I PRODUCE, KILLA!!!!!!!!
Now let's remove that comma!

Reborn. 

And I'm sure someone's gonna suck it and blow mine about "crying if I meet Cam".

I FOUGHT tears when I met Em. It still hasn't fully sunk in.

Love you, Em.

Love you, Cam.

Love to Shady Records and The Diplomats.

#reborn

The Bipolar Sunshine front cover

A little magic goes a long way.

Still, believe what you will about the cover.

#reborn

 

The Psy ins Aftermath

 ...is shade over Gs.

As you/we all know, I have a VERY tight bond with Jimmy I., Dr. Dre, Eminem, 50 Cent and, more recently, Kendrick Lamar. I adore these brothers, and I know the feeling is mutual. It seems, however, that the closer we get, the more we get rifted apart. I'm working on MY end to not be the catalyst for an "awkward" fall out. I think the issue is, we ALL took the righteous path, despite our carnal (at times) material, and our fortitude can't "stand the reign".

Whatever the case may be, Kendrick knows how to get in touch with me. Literally. I won't say I spoke to the man on the phone (or whatever), but I can say that he is reaching out through The Netherworld. 

The world that all music and video lives in.
Check Highlander.

Love you, Dre!

Love you, Em!

Love you, Fif!

Love you, Dot!

Love you, Jimmy. 
(struggles to get out of chair to give a hug)

Sometimes I question why I didn't take pictures with the guys (50, Dre, Em, Jimmy...). Then I remember that Kendrick was FIRST seen with me. So we bond through him, I guess...

I'm on a downer, but not all the way.

See you soon.

#reborn

3rd Eye Magic, live

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A post shared by C. Young (@chrisyoungraps)

 

Ain't it amazin'?
3rd Eye Magic has been in effect for 10 years now!, and we've only performed together ONCE.

Check out that Sway interview. That's the FIRST AND ONLY TIME we've performed together.

I'm of the mind to say we should leave it there! I know CYoung is hungry (af), so I might have to come out of my shell for a lil spotdate tour. 

I rode public transportation to a slightly unfamiliar territory today! By myself! My anxiety about being in South Central is on TILT. They show love, but... I've said and done some greasy things. I don't know who I hurt, where, and/or who knows who. Still, I got what I needed done and brought my ass back home.

lol this is the perfect karma for my 2008 antics. As few and far between as they are.

Still, (now I remember what I was writing... lol...) I gotta find a way to be UP to the task of performing every night. Maybe I'll go back on my Gatorade/StarbucksFrapp diet.

Just thoughts.

Expect a blog barrage in the near future. I have A LOT to write about.

love.

#reborn

Heart chatter

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This is Mellissa Musique, one of my background vocalists for "New York Raining" when I was on tour. We got EXTREMELY close (no sex, y'all), to the point where she sang at my mother's funeral. We haven't really spoke much since then (2016-beyond), but music always brings together the prodigal.

She KILLED "What You Won't Do For Love" (B. Caldwell), and I just wanted to give her some roses on my blog. She's an AMAZING vocalist that can adapt to any (musical) climate.

Miss Mellissa, y'all!!!!!!

#reborn

StarChaser Family Matters

We've been on this ride for just about 18 years (2008 was my debut, 2006 was my first album). Those that I know personally, I know well, as well as they know me. I think I'm closest to Andrew Howe, Chris Rivera is almost like my manager, and ...I mean, there are MANY more.

Right now, I'm on the phone with StarChaser Chris Baker. Nothing too deep, just reflecting on how we've grown. He's got a daughter. SMART as can be. I don't know what advice to give him, because I always had a dual, incest-based relationship with my (unborn) daughters. 

With all that I have gone through in the last 4-5 years, incest has become a thing of the past. I want my daughter to love WHOLEHEARTEDLY, not just have a strange, sexual desire for her daddy. Unless daughters naturally desire their dads. Then I'm fucked. Because I just want to be the god-like figure in my daughter's life to... basically walk her into womanhood. From there, the choice is hers.

Too complicated, I see. And finding a mother who would be cool with it is like finding a needle in a haystack.

That's probably why Simone (Marshall) and Sasheer are keeping my daughters away from me.

Look. I'm not a monster. And I'm not talking about raping (or r-word-ing) my daughter(s). I'm ...what I'm talking about is a deeply rooted secret in The Hamilton Family. One of which can, upon talking about it, rip The Hamilton Family apart. I probably should've kept my mouth shut.

But it's a Hamilton Thing.

I often think about my last name's lineage. I may be a product of Alexander Hamilton sleeping with slaves. I would be offended if one of you rap niggas went there with it. I guess I gotta man up for it now. Still, The Hamilton name is DEEP in US politics and culture in general. I guess that's why Lin-Manuel made a whole musical about it. 

Year 20, y'all!
I'm takin' it easy!!!

#reborn

(re)Introducing CYoung

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A post shared by C. Young (@chrisyoungraps)

So, CYoung (of 3rd Eye Magic/Blue Enigma) and I have been brainstorming on ways to get THE REAL to the masses. He's been dropping freestyles from his backyard, as well as making songs/music to my instrumentals. Today, I told him to drop a freestyle over Method Man's "Dangerous Ground" instrumental (produced by True Master). I told him to JUST GO, as soon as the beat drops. 

I can see that he had to compose himself, after apparently crashing out to the beat in his head. That's what I encourage. Crash out on beats MENTALLY, BEFORE you set yourself up to record. This saves you a lot of drama, and you may be surprised at what your brain is capable of doing.

So yeah. Watch the above IG clip. I'm proud of my man CYoung. He took direction, and executed it well.

All up-and-coming artists: the key word is EXECUTION. You can have a whole bunch of ideas... you could even jot them down. But without execution, it's just exhausted brain matter.

Fuckin DOOIT!!!!!!

#therebirth 

Go more dumb (Tinashe lyric)

Today's live was a success! It had to be for me to have an anxiety attack for me to log off. But yo... I can feel my brain turning into pudding. I REALLY should slow down. That said, the rush (Simone's moan, inserted here) of releasing music is undeniable.

I love to reach out to y'all through music.

I love when y'all holla back.

I just want to love and be loved, by the people who resonate with my music.

Listen. Just because I'm not reaching for your heart with my modern music doesn't mean I wasn't doing so with the past music. We all have grown. I can't put you in your high school years, when I'm barely conscious of my own (shouts to FDA and Bard, though Lehman and Rice been tappin in HEAVY). NONETHELESS, I take full responsibility for my StarChasers. I believe you guys can do ANYTHING you want, so long as the love for me (and my music) is at the forefront.

I know this to be true, because there are StarChasers in the armed forces who...

know what it is.

Keep in mind, God is in control of jail/prison.

You know Him. I ain't gotta repeat.

Sorry, Simone, if I put you out there to be exploited. I just want you to be free.

As far as Baddie Smollet, we're on good terms. I think she's unhappy with where here career (behind the scenes) is going, and that even though I try to make it better, I already scarred her for life. 

All she had to do was reveal to me who she is. Every time she tried, she always ended up Beyonce or Simone Marshall. I feel her pain. 

Sorry, Baddie Bellz!

I hope you guys are enjoying the Dr. Hamilton collection on SoundCloud, yeah. Hard work, determination, motivation... all there, y'all.

I'ma hit this bowl and take a nap.

My brain is on soup mode.

Columbine Gang, holla atchya scholar!

Love to my loves.

Bad depression bout rn... I'll be okay.  

Love y'all.

#reborn

LAte NYte blaCk -n- wYte

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New uniform unlocked.

I just may go to the library tomorrow after all!

I love The Internet.

God bless The Internet.

God, bless The Internet.

I love it here.

#reborn

 

Bloody Hell, Mate!

I proudly announce that THE WIFI IS BACK IN MY APARTMENT! Yes! You can expect a live session in the near future.

Also, I proudly announce that HchO and I are BACK in communication! Long story short, we lost sight of our bond. He is the ONLY man I have ever called Pops, outside of my own father. That's because he taught me to get up and FIGHT for mine. 

Politically, of course.

See, H knows I'm sensitive and that my music comes from a vulnerable place. His biggest fear was that I'd get in the game and isolate myself with music and weed. And that's exactly what I did. For the record, I wasn't on hard drugs during my Interscope era. I just bought A LOT of weed and used it to make Sonic the Hamiton, Intervention, and everything POST The Pink Lavalamp. 

It looks like I'm getting my unit back together! Pause, of course.

SO......

SPECIAL shouts to Sha-leik, Yung Nate, Sciryl, Kesed, Halo, B/A (who I spoke to recently) and HchO. Y'all were there for the foundation, and there's more of yall to account for.

I got my niggas back, b.
Top of the world!!!

#rebirth

Bad-isms

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The above is the latest episode of StarCHaser Central Podcast. They reviewed "A Bad Representation of Ugly". Basically, it was a good review, and they want to see/hear more of this type. I definitely get it. I can make more projects like this. No problem.

But what does it mean to be a bad representation of Ugly?

"I'm so good, that I'm so bad. Guaranteed to be the greatest thing you ever had!"

I am aware of my beauty, as I am aware of my flaws. I'm not ugly BY FAR, but my flaws in my beauty comes from drugs, alcohol, and bad eating habits. Neverdamnmind, I'm going to the gym OFTEN. Sweat has become my best friend. But I am Egyptian-level beautiful. And my exes know the extent of my beauty. Will they speak on it? Probably not. 

I probably shouldn't put out there how bad I am. I already get treated all types of foul by people who want my attention/lust after my anger. I let all y'all niggas slide. I see your heart. I know your mind. I just don't want to play your game.

If you're trying to shoot your shot, know that I am saving my time, energy and everything else for and to music. So technically, I don't hear you (or give a fuck). No shade, no offense, I just gotta "see if you could truly be what I need...".

Even with being bad, I'm not afraid to get ugly. Whether on the mic or in a fight. I remember at the halfway house, this HUGE dude named Gino always wanted to wrestle niggas. One time, I was like "C'mon man! We about to smoke and chill! Stop tryna body niggas!" And he came over to me and tried to slam me. 

I stood my ground. Held my own. Refused to get slammed.

We dapped it up, smoked, and he never tried to wrestle smaller niggas again.

That's bad.

Y'all niggas ain't bad because you got money and guns. 

The niggas that gave you the money and the guns is bad.

That's ugly.

Shouts to Ice-T and my cousin Mar-Q.

Stay up, y'all.

Library treks

Today is my first day at the library near my building. BEAUTIFUL spot. I brought my MacBook and MPK to jam out in the environment here. It's awesome. Even found me a book I plan to take out... or read while I'm still here.

Made some beat packs for CYoung and Danny Casper. I'm taking my time before I work on another project. Dr. Hamilton was EXHAUSTING to record, and I think I might make another DrH project before the summer is out. Right now, Im focused on The Rebirth of Charles Hamilton and CH. 

So let's run it down:

Charles Hamilton, Jr. (pianist born in Cleveland)

Charles Hamilton (lyricist/producer from Harlem)

Sonic the Hamilton (musician from Mobius)

C. Hamilton (MC/producer from Queens)

Jr. (abstract DJ/producer from Long Island)

The Talented Mr. Hamilton (DJ/MC from The Bronx)

DOOM Williams (MC/Producer from California prison)

Hamilton, Charles (poet/producer from South Central LA)

King Charles (artist from The US)

Xarles (alien, making music in The US)

Dr. Hamilton (emotionless engineering from CH)

The Rebirth of Charles Hamilton (God-fearing musician from LA)

CH (the boy next door musician, known by everyone)

God Eddie-Lee (music from the perspective of God)

The-Devil (music from the perspective of Satan)

Charles Hamilton the Skywalker (Star Wars-themed hip-hop, not necessarily the concept)

Young Yoda (CH in Wu-Tang)

Darth the Hamilton (CH as a villain)

Yeah, I'm runnin up the mental health tab. Maybe Im too smart to be diagnosed, and that's what the problem is. The pills only make me more organized in my head. So I'm an even more formidable threat, because I'm obeying the law, med compliant, and there's no reason for me to lose my apartment. I'm in good standing with the rental people, and on the last inspection, there was no complaints about my apartment.

Fuck them niggas if they search my apartment when I'm not there. 

lol, but critically dead ass.

Baddie came over yesterday. I cooked for her, cleaned the apartment, got semi-fresh... I really did it up. She enjoyed the meal, we had a dope conversation... I catered to her. It brought me joy to do it. I know she's seeing other people (she has to; she's in Hollywood), and she tole me she doesn't mind if I see other people, but.... I really got used to her. She sets a fire in my heart that no one else does. 

Or is this the case with ALL females I come across?

I don't wanna bring up old flames and I want to keep my new interests anonymous (something I learned over the years), but... I think I'm ready to love again. I'm SEVERAL HUNDRED BEATS AND SONGS IN when it comes to this year. I don't HAVE to make another joint. Shit, with this being year 20, I don't have to do SHIT. But I love my StarChasers. The few, the proud, the starry-eyed. I guess I can hook yall up a few good times...

Stay tuned! I'm at the library!!!

#CH!