We've come a long way, haven't we #myheart? From bullying bad hazing to representing and promoting, we've watched each other grow and come to terms with each other's "quarks". I have ALWAYS respected your gangsta, and you've accepted me as The Harlem Goth, for much longer than Rocky's Gothic fashion movement (respectfully). Still, there are some things I don't feel we're clear on...
No way to sugar coat this, I am a rape victim. Not just from the industry either, but it didn't help. No, I was sexually assaulted by my older male cousin. Since then, my concept of sex and affection is... well, distorted. Perverted, even. I am overly affectionate towards ANY woman who would give me the time of day, and overly cautious of EVERY male. Both of which can be a "flag" of homosexuality, I am aware. I just don't like the feeling of anal penetration, and I'm more intrigued by than attracted to men.
Basically Harlem, I've said some homo ass, sick ass stuff in my music. Maybe for shock, but the notion of speaking the sickness to gain peace and clarity is defended by the mental health system that's trying to "curb" my "enthusiasm" (I SEE YOU SPITS!!!). I understand that the mental conditioning of "pause" and "no homo" is meant to keep the Black Man's mental pure, but mine got deleted VERY early on. And from there, I moved RIGHT into the homophobic warzone of Harlem (granted Queens first).
I can't offer you an apology. I didn't say anything to demean/disrespect Harlem. I'm just from The Old Harlem, where saying too many pause-worthy things will get you exiled. I guess I just want your understanding (Harlem). I'm not out here selling my ass or turning tricks, I'm not in a gang out here... nothing wack. I just fight tears when a male shows reverence to me/my music and when a female gets caught staring.
In that sense, nothing's changed. I just miss home, and don't want to alienate where I'm at. The real will feel me.
