I ask myself where I stand with love. Exes, crushes, groupies, strangers, friends… they complete the pentagram, but my failures with each disqualify me from being The GOAT (albeit missing acronyms). This time alone, preparing for the 11/10 show, has helped me come to accept that I am, indeed, a Solitary Witch. I used to delegate society to whosoever should stop by or call. Now, I’m not pressed to talk to anyone. I handle business, but the current situation I’m in doesn’t require me to be business minded. Nevertheless, random neighbors coming to my door asking for stuff is just cause to do whatever it takes to gtfoh.
I enjoy the time to myself. And I know that through it, I am more of an asset to myself and anyone who works with me. Still, what’s a magic trick without an audience? I’m sure drug dealers are amused when they cook up their product. But without users (fiends), all of their amusement means nothing. lol I can finally compare myself to the dealer! Anyhouligan, you can somewhat expect less of me… as you get more of me.
Won’t lie, I’ve been trying to liken my social media presence to one Dr. Dre. Important notices, releases from colleagues, etc. Except it doesn’t work that way. I’m a chatterbox, and I love Love. As soon as I get a notification and it’s an affection-yielding individual:StarChaser, I’m right on it. And SECONDS after I finish, I read between the lines and realize what a mistake I made. Without singling anyone out, often times I’m reached out to by people who want to test the waters. Meaning, see if their allusions would ruffle my feathers. I haven’t let them, lately. But I feel it.
I take my own advice and “roll with the punches” (“Gloves”, suffice it to say it’s an old adage).
I am in pitch black darkness today. I bear the light I wish to see. And those who can be verified, can verify. I’m tired of longing for affection. I’m tired of hyper/overextending myself. I’m tired of it. It’s just hard because I’ve done it for so long. Love still exists within me. I’m just charging myself, every time I want to give it. I still write love songs. I still reach out to my loved “ones”. All I want is to love myself the way I love others.
If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect to love another?
Right?
Left.
Now what?
~Enter the Hamilton~
