Frederick Douglass Academy,
you fuckin' dumb ass!
Middleton, holla at me!!!!!
#reborn
At some point, you must believe.
It is not a rumor. It is not a tug at one's heart strings. It is not a cash grab (can't be, for legal reasons).
Bro. Since recording "The Bipolar Sunshine", I have been NUMB. Clearly not TOO numb, because I sprained my ankle in my apartment last Wednesday. Thankfully I had guests, otherwise I would've been FUCKED getting back up.
Currently listening to "My Word" from "Crash Landed".
Back to #TBS.
I have felt NONE of the symptoms of bipolar/schizoaffective disorder since recording/producing #TBS. Which feels good. And leaves me feeling hollow. Very Korn. Still, I can't fight the feeling of... at least WANTING to be dead. I can see my body rise beyond the galaxy. I can see the black suit with the pink button down and pink checkered tie, with the black Chuck Taylors w/ pink laces. I SEE IT. I cursed myself to dying. If it ain't suicide, it will be murder. And it will be my fault. So I either watch my mouth (aka DON'T GO OUTSIDE), or face the fate I placed for myself since before age 8.
Why did I do this to myself? Was life so bad back in the 90s that I cursed my future? I placed MANY people before me, and ended up GREATER than the rubric they kept FOR THEMSELVES. Then Dilla passed. That set me back a few decades. I'm not trying to be JUST LIKE him. I use him as my standard for musician ethics.
Moment of awkward silence, please.
I don't want to hurt myself. I don't want to feel hurt by the hands of another. I don't want to feel heartbreak. I don't want to break another heart. My fantasy girl is about to get married. I fucked that up. Baddie is seeing other people, and pretty much daring me to do the same. I don't feel I'm up to par with my LA cohorts, so I'm not actively out baggin bitches. I'm just alone. With music. And the memories of SEGA and Sonic.
I LOVE YOU, STARCHASERS.
Safe to say, I'm dooinit for y'all.
Because I'm 20 years in. And I see no real revolution.
Doing the same thing repeatedly, looking for a different outcome, is insantiy.
I'm thankful for all those who are mine.
#therebirth, on the way... !
...is shade over Gs.
As you/we all know, I have a VERY tight bond with Jimmy I., Dr. Dre, Eminem, 50 Cent and, more recently, Kendrick Lamar. I adore these brothers, and I know the feeling is mutual. It seems, however, that the closer we get, the more we get rifted apart. I'm working on MY end to not be the catalyst for an "awkward" fall out. I think the issue is, we ALL took the righteous path, despite our carnal (at times) material, and our fortitude can't "stand the reign".
Whatever the case may be, Kendrick knows how to get in touch with me. Literally. I won't say I spoke to the man on the phone (or whatever), but I can say that he is reaching out through The Netherworld.
The world that all music and video lives in.
Check Highlander.
Love you, Dre!
Love you, Em!
Love you, Fif!
Love you, Dot!
Love you, Jimmy.
(struggles to get out of chair to give a hug)
Ain't it amazin'?
3rd Eye Magic has been in effect for 10 years now!, and we've only performed together ONCE.
Check out that Sway interview. That's the FIRST AND ONLY TIME we've performed together.
I'm of the mind to say we should leave it there! I know CYoung is hungry (af), so I might have to come out of my shell for a lil spotdate tour.
I rode public transportation to a slightly unfamiliar territory today! By myself! My anxiety about being in South Central is on TILT. They show love, but... I've said and done some greasy things. I don't know who I hurt, where, and/or who knows who. Still, I got what I needed done and brought my ass back home.
lol this is the perfect karma for my 2008 antics. As few and far between as they are.
Still, (now I remember what I was writing... lol...) I gotta find a way to be UP to the task of performing every night. Maybe I'll go back on my Gatorade/StarbucksFrapp diet.
Just thoughts.
Expect a blog barrage in the near future. I have A LOT to write about.
love.
So, CYoung (of 3rd Eye Magic/Blue Enigma) and I have been brainstorming on ways to get THE REAL to the masses. He's been dropping freestyles from his backyard, as well as making songs/music to my instrumentals. Today, I told him to drop a freestyle over Method Man's "Dangerous Ground" instrumental (produced by True Master). I told him to JUST GO, as soon as the beat drops.
I can see that he had to compose himself, after apparently crashing out to the beat in his head. That's what I encourage. Crash out on beats MENTALLY, BEFORE you set yourself up to record. This saves you a lot of drama, and you may be surprised at what your brain is capable of doing.
So yeah. Watch the above IG clip. I'm proud of my man CYoung. He took direction, and executed it well.
All up-and-coming artists: the key word is EXECUTION. You can have a whole bunch of ideas... you could even jot them down. But without execution, it's just exhausted brain matter.
Fuckin DOOIT!!!!!!
#therebirth
Frederick Douglass Academy, you fuckin' dumb ass! Middleton, holla at me!!!!! #reborn