[Enter the Hamilton.]
You don't feel it, then it must be too real to touch.
NiGHTS Into Hearts
gone falsetto.
Aborted Hamilton
Don’t call *drKiwi* about this shit. It’s not that serious. Nevertheless, abandoning projects is like removing a musical fetus from my creative womb.
I began work on an album called “Survivor’s Guilt”. The title struck me, and though there is a solid definition to it, I’m not all that sure I survived my test. I’ve been clean from H for about 5-6 years now. Cold turkey, minus HEAVY weed binging sessions. I recently caught a SERIOUS jones for it, and called my dad for support. I would’ve called mom, but most of the lies I told about using were TO my mom. That, plus she’s dead.
I don’t wanna let anyone down. I also can’t say I survived addiction because I’m still struggling with cigarettes. I feel weak about them. I’m down to 2 a day, but I wake up hacking and wheezing. This year also makes 20 years since I bought my first loosie. In Harlem, after FDA closed for the night, on my way to Toya’s. I wanted a blunt so bad, and Sha didn’t have bud or money for it. B/A, I don’t remember why I didn’t smoke with him that night. But yeah. No one had bud, and I had $1.50. Enough for a cig, a brownie and a Nutty (.50 soda).
I may come back to “Survivor’s Guilt”. I just don’t feel strong enough for it right now. It would be a motivating album… motivational… kinda like “Jesus & Santa Claus” (2016). It’s just one of those titles that grabs you by the collar and insists you break the cement shoes The Russian Mafia put on your soul. Or is it Italian…? Still and all, I have some other projects in the works.
Infant of the Malice
Malice of the Infant
I still have some rage in my heart to air out. I fear I missed out on what the world is now hypnotized by. So my perspective is officially out of this world. Just gotta stay focused on the tasks at hand (shows, meetings, etc.) and remember that I’m loved.
I don’t want this love to fade.
#CzH
Sorrow 0fficial lyrics
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
My ways are different now.
I think SEGA's different now.
The way I view it, ...no PPV. A different view. Who can see? Who can say? Trying to dis-spew a different -splay. No dissing. You don't listen. No kidding. You won't get it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
^
^
You know who you are. I still get the shakes from how I treated you. Just know that such is not in my nature, and that you drove me wild. All apologies.
My heartbeat.
^
^
Hopefully, you read the post about your return.
I'm excited to have you back.
My tongue is scarred from said battle.
~!Jr.!~
Darralyn 0fficial lyrics
^
^
Somethin' about FDA love, man...
Here she is…
Many people have cited the absence of *drKiwi* as the first sign of my downfall. I may agree. Well, we spoke today. We’re getting closer and passed the hang up’s of before. She was good to me, I was good to her. Thing is, I sinned against women. And Jamaica, if we’re being ambiguously honest (figure it out).
But as the conversation rolled on, my homoerotic brick wall crumbled, and I was back in puppy love with…
Simone Porter.
We talked about everything. The rise and fall of us, our influence, justice, rage, copycats… she’s still as sharp as ever. She just doesn’t write anymore. Shit, neither do I. Sidebar, I may get back into writing full time. It’s a feeling. Back to regularly scheduled, I can’t front like I’m not under her control. She has a swag that consoles you as it puts your lights out. I’m not even thinking about sex. I can’t handle sex with anyone at this point. I CAN, however, trust Miss Porter.
I don’t want to be like this. Love shouldn’t motivate my life this way. I’m dependent on love. I’m gonna rock these shows, for the love of Dre and Leroy. I’m gonna get fly, for the love of Porter. I already don’t harm myself for the love of YOU.
I imagine Sun Ra being critically suicidal. To imagine what a piano can do, OUTSIDE of playing melodies, is a task for the human mind. The nigga had an orchestra (Arkestra, rather). He probably couldn’t get the music out of his body fast enough.
I love you, Miss Porter. But you know that.
Let time be the judge of what we already put into The Universe…
I know. Briana. But she was post-Porter and… yeah. I guess I need a shot like that rn…
#CzH
She Smiled (For Once) 0fficial lyrics
Back outside...
Back outside.
(verse 1)
I'm not a scrub. I got a love that drives. Lets me sit on the passenger side. My glove provides (all) the love she rides with. I'm a lucky guy! I don't have to drive! I'm a master, on the passenger side... "...show me a good time!" So silly, am I... really, I define the Air. I am here, the pioneer of the five-plus-one. I be The One. ...that makes Seven! ...Five is like Six, and Six is forever. Sixes forever. Get it together. Mind my business for pleasure. Still, I get it in, on no measure!
(Hook)
I walk around neutral
I walk around on cruise control.
You make my life... unusual.
In a good way!
You... make my life...
Beautiful
(verse 2)
The flow is an Eleven. Didn't know that it was heaven. Reach me! I beseech thee! I smite thee, Almighty! I be trying to commit blaspheme on the mic. Ask for me, on the mic. Write down why. When your brown eyes lay down as I define my... recognition/resurrection/a better listen/a better lesson whenever this is the effort gevin...given, pardon. You're living with the Harden of rhyming. So retarded-ly raise your thighs, make it mine. I mean it's too damn indiscrete to be seen but... maybe I can't take it away... baby, I made a mistake! Save me with Grace... one of these days, okay? I'm a boss, and you know... it's kind of hard for me to stroke without you... I won't doubt you... you know I'm all about you.
(Hook)
I walk around neutral
I walk around on cruise control.
You make my life... unusual.
In a good way!
You... make my life.
Beautiful
(verse 3)
A slew of things, by me doing things. I be truly singing to the wind with my whispers. Whispers are psychic, I know. The Wind blows it so many times, it's pyrotechnic! 4th of July!, every time you start the lie... when the stars divide and let Charles be silent to the thought of violence in his mind being awesome, having ratings.
What am I dating?
A monstrosity, I believe,,,
(Hook)
I walk around neutral
I walk around on cruise control.
You make my life... unusual.
In a good way!
You... make my life.
Beautiful
#cHam
The Muse’s Beauty
In arm’s reach
The Talented... strikes!(ikes!ikes!ikes!ikes!ikes!)
Seeing as how I am without a deck, I'm low key panicking about the future. One is in reach, but moments like these when/where I get ideas for transitions and blends that I realize how addicted I've become to Turntablizm. I have DJ'd in public before, so I'm not so much a Bedroom Beethoven, as I am a musician who spends ALL his time perfecting one's craft.
And I want to do it more than I already do.
HOWEVER...
I can honestly say that even though The Pink Lavalamp lives to see another day and will live forever (November 10th, baby!), it is not immune to The Talented Mr. Hamilton! As dead ass as TPL is, it's not so grave that I can't have fun with it. I became a slave to it for YOU. There would be no "My Brain Is Alive" without TPL. But The Pink Lavalamp couldn't've occurred without Sober Karaoke. And I cheered the fuck up from "From The Desk Of..." at my expense. seez/!! See? That's my mental health. I downplay potential blessings from self and others because I feel I don't deserve it.
Let me work on that.
and I don't have much time.
Somethin' new...
“I heard a kiss from you…”
Today, I:
-rode the exercise bike (breath control is HORRIBLE)
-practiced 11/10 set (not bad, but I want to have someone here to watch)
-writing this blog entry
-listened to potential singles from music on my website
-spoke with Dre the Manager; he mostly handles the day to day
-prayed and meditated
It seems to me that I handle my business so rapidly that I have nothing to do with my day and life. I guess I can call Jackie!, but she’s not all the way single yet. We both kinda rushed in this thing, not really having much other than music to hold onto.
Could be another love TKO.
And I feel like shit trying to go Keith Sweat my way back into Simone’s graces.
Let’s go digging…!
#CH
Thickassdaphne (Heartbreaker) 0fficial lyrics
Ungh.
Come on.
I might be sinless but my mind is full of sin.
(verse 1)
Not what I'm looking for. I got what I'm looking for. Getting top from a Brooklyn whore. "Write a lot!", in my book. Some more, after. But the disaster is the Brooklyn chick isn't here. I look within to get clear. Who could I like? Who would I love? A Latina with long hair or a bald black chick? She got a Caesar but she's thick. She probably a pleaser, Jesus! Just on a three second flick I knew that she'd get the recklessness I spit, you dig? She want a piece of me, from a distance. A Modern Lacey, but kind of crazy. I miss Miss, from a distance. Can you get this?
(hook)
Somebody take her!
Shorty looking like she's a heartbreaker!
Looking like she's a heartbreaker...
I just can't take her!
Shorty looking like she's a heartbreaker!
Should've known that she's a heartbreaker!
(verse 2)
I like to role play when I'm watching porn. Stepmom, stepson I got a lot to go on with. Get on my mountain, become a Mormon when I preach to you. Leave you in The Water of St. Louis... Salt Lake City... Damn, I can't do it! I paint to it. but damn it, I ain't do it! We connected mentally through sex in a scene. Sex In The City, no. Sex on the Internet. That's digital. I get it all. I get it from the fro to the toes. She had no fro but pretty toes. Did she know that I'm watching her get off? Also looking for an officer... cuff me. Fuck me, baby. Fuck me, baby! It's just me, baby... you make me ugly and crazy!
(hook)
Somebody take her!
Shorty looking like she's a heartbreaker!
Looking like she's a heartbreaker...
I just can't take her!
Shorty looking like she's a heartbreaker!
Should've known that she's a heartbreaker!
(verse 3)
She felt me stroking my bone. I felt she when she rode on the pole. A quick scene then we role play. She's somebody's stepmom! I'm like, "okay, maybe I could be the son that she lusting after! Bust her ass! We cuddle up when after!" ...just because I love her laughter. Maybe it's forced, but it ain't forced no more! She got me! I cuddle with her thick ass! Leaving puddles after the disaster. That word. Disaster, what is that? I sit back and wish she was mine. She sits on my lap, From a distance. I give her all I have plus what's divine. She disappears when I refresh. Just know as long as I log on, she's next. Ungh
(hook)
Somebody take her!
Shorty looking like she's a heartbreaker!
Looking like she's a heartbreaker...
I just can't take her!
Shorty looking like she's a heartbreaker!
Should've known that she's a heartbreaker!
[#cHam_widdit]
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