A boy's dream

Being honest... frank... candid... it was never my dream to be Sonic the Hedgehog. It was my reality. I lived as Sonic. YEARS before The Pink Lavalamp. YEARS before Halo. It was a quiet understanding amongst my peers and elder folk that I was Broadway's Sonic (the Hedgehog). I even ran across the street when going to the store for mom. 

So no, as much as I love Sonic, I didn't want to be him.

My dream was to be Dr. Robotnik.

I wanted to express my intelligence freely and with recognition. Red and black are my favorite colors (surprise, surprise!), but I'm not a Blood, and on the block I lived on, only Bloods wore red and black. So no Jordan jersey for me...

But yeah. Being Dr. Robotnik allows me to create more (charmingly) diabolically and take the necessary losses to be considered a "boss". 

Many StarChasers weren't open to the idea, when I dropped "The Rise of Dr. Robotnik". "StH: American Paradox", however, was well-received. And yes, "StH: Inner Peace" exists. At least instrumentally. Still, I don't like the feeling of being controlled. My ancestors, from SEGA to Africa to Mauritius to Egypt to Ireland, fought long and hard to maintain freedom. Sonic submits control to the gamer, under the gauze that the gamer will take them to victory. 

Dr. Robotnik stands in the way.

I am currently in an identity crisis. As you can see, I broke down my multiple personality disorder by recording under different variations of my name. There are still more to come. But in my creativity, I got taken out of myself (ala Shadow the Hamilton) and became... a greater being (shouts to CYoung). I invested in it, and now I am CONFIDENT that this greater creation of self is un-fuck-withable. 

But. I didn't stop there.

With the money I made through features, I made another investment. This time, SEGA is in the crosshairs. I believe that I can be the musical director of ALL SEGA games and products. Nintendo made several LUCRATIVE offers, but I'm loyal to the blue and white. Won't lie tho, it's getting harder to say no. And with my first investment (that took me out of myself; ala Shadow the Hamilton), Nintendo is set to have a moment in The Sun. Shouts to and Rest In Peace shouts to Super Mario. 

He is survived by his younger brother Luigi.

Billionaire Dre, Royally Roy and I are investing in this studio album. Where they got the funds from doesn't matter. Especially since I was able to pitch in last minute. But I invested in my career and creative process. I did this in 2020 (during the pandemic), and the results remain: you can say you don't know me, but your retina tells another tale. 

No longer is it "write!". It's "do your thing, we trust you". Sure, people miss the stylings that come with writing. Well, it ain't there anymore. I guess time eroded at the fantasy I provide with a pen. I speak from the heart, as filtered by my mind, and guided by my soul. At the end of the day, I'm not gonna sit back and lick my wounds just because I can come up with some slick lines that people can put a hashtag behind. I'm gonna fight back, and invite you to watch.

Morningside Park, anytime after 8pm.
Except... I'm not there anymore.

And I'm not looking for trouble.

Just looking to express my intelligence... as a boss.

Like Miss Kiwi!!!

#cHamEra...

*drKiwi*'s ambition

A few *drKiwis* have popped up lately. Today's clientele said both of our mental healths were at risk, and I chose me over *-wi*. A light case, I guess. But I only did such due to a lack of trust. I ignored all the signs, and felt that sh*-i* was looking for me to du something (#iykyk #6ix). As opposed to what was present, which was my suspicion of *Kiwi's* loyalty. 

Flat out, I didn't know who *drKiwi* was.
And in this day and age, with SEGA Aliens running EVERYTHING and Nintendo Reptilians EXTORTING everything, you never know who could be using temptation as a bait to get your private information.

I have since learned that preparing a presentation for The Worship of The Sun (yours truly) is the actual definition of evil. Evil will not live past that day. The darkness shall be illuminated. The Illuminati will be enlightened. The Lights (hint) will shine.

*drKiwi* has something they'd like to reveal to me, in front of the ENTIRE GALAXY. I don't know how it would be worth it for them, and I see past myself everyday. So what gives? 

I can't lie.
I know I can't.

Why do I pretend like *drKiwi* doesn't bother me?

And before anyone gets wild about it, just chill. they may not even matter by the end of this post.

They don't.

End of post. Got an all-nighter ahead in the community center. You'll peep the benefits.

#CH_letsgo!

One eye open (CLE)

Late last year, I started working on a record called "Cleveland Rocks". It featured my baby cousin Spazzo CLE and StarChaser Xavier Bennet. It's sampled the second version of The Drew Carrey Show's theme song. Xavier is a traditional StarChaser, in that, though he supports me, he always has some flip shit to say to make me feel like less of a being.

In his verse, he said "we got LeBron, we don't need no Michael". Before I moved to NYC (age 5), CLE used to call me Michael. As in Jackson. I was always musically inclined, and the Universe of East Cleveland knew it. I called Spaz and said "he ain't from Old Cleveland, because he would get his ass beat". Spaz agreed. My verse was fire, but only after Spaz convinced me not to talk about the pain of Cleveland.

It wasn't easy.

Cleveland is so beautiful. So the ugly shit I went through can be seen as a one off. But word to my cousin Shayla, finding intimacy in Cleveland AS Baby Charles/Michael/Jr. is a TRIP. Nevertheless, i got a hand job from Scooter's baby mom. Lol

And me and Miss Jackie! went at it! Lol I swear I love that girl. That's a StarChaser for real. A music lover that knows the depth of my music, yet still manages to be impressed. I try not to sleep w Female StarChasers, but when passion calls, answer.

Back to Cleveland.

I don't like calling the Indians the "Guardians", but I'll be damned if they ain't talking about George, Dilla and Jack. Fuck Jack, but y'all 3 niggas changed my life by being with me. I'ma need y'all to get clear with 9 (The Universe) about where y'all stand with me. 9 believes I'm all alone, following behind the coolest mu'fuckas on campus. I'm pretty cool myself... solid, even and rather... but I would love to spend my days with the boys. Jack always made it weird for us. Either he would say or do some psycho homo shit, or he would sell one of us short. He tries to be nice to me, but only because #thegame requires it.

That's the shit I be talkin' about, #CitizensOfHeart.

Cleveland is a VERY loving city. We embrace you, until you hurt us. I mean, we're the city of The Dawgs. Granted the Browns they speak of are Bandicoots. Loving, but VERY conservative. I'm sure Cleveland won't shun me for "gettin' it in" a few times, but... just to be clear, I will ride w my Cleveland brothers until the wheels fall off, and I will devour any Cleveland Chick who dares test the libido of #ScootersFirstGirlfrind.

Sucks to say, but it is what it is.

I love you, Cleveland.
I love you, Hamilton Family.

As long as we're in each other's heart(s), we will never be apart.

Word to Senior.

I just drenched my soul into #MissKiwi's heart. I wonder what's next for *drKiwi* and #TheBlackDrRobotnik...

A lot I gotta do today. I'll be around.

~~***~~

Why my eye-to-eyes (LA)

Living in LA is tricky. I can't bum it too much, because there are always in me. Im a public figure, and LA knows that. In fact, LA knows I'm shy, anxious, nervous, horny and subduing my rage. At the same time, you get fly and have to worry about getting robbed (i live in South Central). I don't wear chains and jewels, but I wear particular colors. Specifically purple and green. Apparently those are Vicelord colors.

Granted I was cool w them niggas, each time I was locked up.

Back to LA.

I look at some of these young tough niggas like, "I can turn yo little ass out!". I know how far things can get. First hand. I'm trying to keep control of things, but once you do ONE gay thing, you go through a degeneration of self. You basically melt.

God blessed me with grace. I stopped the emotional internal bleeding. To God be the glory! I was given a second chance at ministry (without it being Gospel, per se). I don't squander my second chance. I spaz on the mic like I will fall out of myself if I don't.

LA is VERY good at Satanic art(s). Because of this, they are VERY "fast" (as Black mothers say). It's hard to ask them to beat with me. They make me feel pornographically good. But right when I get comfortable, I spot one of the Boyz in the Hood, and they don't want to be looked at while they take over the bus.

My dick would fit GOOD in they ass. That'll fix em.

I just don't have the heart to say that. Out here, especially. I don't look for problems. I know my mouth, and I know my hands. It's like that. However, out here, niggas go from hands to handguns w the QUICKNESS. So I nod to them, they nod back, and we keep it pushing.

Whether they know/love me or not, I have a destination to reach.

See you in the future.

I love LA!

SOUTH CENTRAL, WHERE WE AT??

#cHamEra......

Eye-to-eye w/ Jamaica

Yardie PEOPLE! Lol for the non-Hamiltonized Jamaican massive, when I address Jamaica/Jamaicans on a #galactical scale, I usually start with "Yardie PEOPLE!". It's a flip of "tell di people!", heard in the Dawn Penn chune dem. 

Here we are. Or, may we start here. We know each other WAY better than we can attest to. That's why we keep a distance. I think, at least. I know Tiffany (my first Jamaican ex) doesn't hate me. She kinda doesn't have a reason to, other than my confession to a homosexual act. If she even remembers that (no innuendos). But, dead that.

I got it in.

Now, being the suicidal being I've been and learning that homosexuality led/leads to a spiritual death, I was prepared to burn by the fire. But, quite literally, God forgave me and is being glorified in my modern music. Through blasphemy.

I am a D'Evil, fah cryin out loud!

 Even with me playing man-from-Mars with you (ask about it; real one's know), I still believe that you know my heart and, even still (and better), my body. I'm not promiscuous, neither hetero-nor-homosexually. I haven't had sex in a good number of years now. Divine punishment. I dare ask for the favor of the Jamaican woman, in the eye of the Jamaican man. I simply ask that you understand that Jah (yes, Lion!) is working with me and I am actively working on my mannerisms.

I have learned sooo much from Jamaican music/culture. Toya and I used to watch Passa Passa DVDs. HchO put me on to soundclashes. Though I am a C (Charles), I'm a J, too (Jr.)!. So it really matters to me what yu think of me. I know it shouldn't, but y'all are closest to divinity by nature. Do your homework on Jamaican culture. Better yet, ask SEGA about Jamaica.

Through Jamaica, I find Atari.

Ask Dr. Dre.

If she even remembers that (no innuendos). But, dead that.

***beep***

Eye-to-eye w/ Harlem

We've come a long way, haven't we #myheart? From bullying bad hazing to representing and promoting, we've watched each other grow and come to terms with each other's "quarks". I have ALWAYS respected your gangsta, and you've accepted me as The Harlem Goth, for much longer than Rocky's Gothic fashion movement (respectfully). Still, there are some things I don't feel we're clear on...

No way to sugar coat this, I am a rape victim. Not just from the industry either, but it didn't help. No, I was sexually assaulted by my older male cousin. Since then, my concept of sex and affection is... well, distorted. Perverted, even. I am overly affectionate towards ANY woman who would give me the time of day, and overly cautious of EVERY male. Both of which can be a "flag" of homosexuality, I am aware. I just don't like the feeling of anal penetration, and I'm more intrigued by than attracted to men.

Basically Harlem, I've said some homo ass, sick ass stuff in my music. Maybe for shock, but the notion of speaking the sickness to gain peace and clarity is defended by the mental health system that's trying to "curb" my "enthusiasm" (I SEE YOU SPITS!!!). I understand that the mental conditioning of "pause" and "no homo" is meant to keep the Black Man's mental pure, but mine got deleted VERY early on. And from there, I moved RIGHT into the homophobic warzone of Harlem (granted Queens first).

I can't offer you an apology. I didn't say anything to demean/disrespect Harlem. I'm just from The Old Harlem, where saying too many pause-worthy things will get you exiled. I guess I just want your understanding (Harlem). I'm not out here selling my ass or turning tricks, I'm not in a gang out here... nothing wack. I just fight tears when a male shows reverence to me/my music and when a female gets caught staring.

In that sense, nothing's changed. I just miss home, and don't want to alienate where I'm at. The real will feel me.

Miss Kiwi, Calendar Girl of The Year (2026)!!!

#cHam

Look who's talking...

It appears as though a *drKiwi* wants to make their way back into my life. After we parted ways in 2019, I chose to kick my addiction to *drKiwi* cold turkey. #thadoc had company, as far as controlled substances I was abusing. I was forced to leave *drKiwi*'s house, and figure out what to do with all my talent and love. I didn't want to argue anymore. We had our moments. She (*drKiwi*) knows the level I'm working on. I know her depth. I know I did some things to burn our relationship. I just packed up and moved on.

This relationship started the #Villain movement. Songs about self-inflicted heartbreak, justice, revenge, clearly love... all to the background of "the only boy who could ever reach me", Mr. Curtis "Preacherman" Mayfield. 

Watchya say now?!

I'm not all that sure I can handle *drKiwi*. She's a hot head, has a life of her own, and... all I can do is support her through music and journalism/blogging. Obviously (lol hint) I have other moves I can make. I just play by the book I wrote.

Watchya say now?!

I do get HELLA lonely tho. I kinda have a bitter taste in my mouth, as far as dating StarChasers. Or maybe I need to hold out for Tori...

Watchya say now?!

lol I'll come back to this thought later.

But still. Welcome back, *drKiwi*. Let's have coffee and Fig Newtons some time...

#cHamEra...

Candidates

 

Gotta admit, this entry is well thought out. Considering there are many *drKiwi*s out there. Many of which are doing things to be viewed as a *drKiwi*. Of the many, a few want reason to have smoke with me, considering how close we've gotten.

Consider it an honor to be*drKiwi*, because I have to be creative to state my grievance with you.

Well, to one *drKiwi*, I figured you're out being a (Stray) Dog, so no cross hairs are on you. I guess I got spoiled by talking to you every day. I only have the best wishes for you.

To YOU, *drKiwi*, everything I said to you came to fruition. YOU STILL want to mess around with*drKiwi* and gamble with the fortune you built for yourself. My *Kiwi*... You built A FORTUNE. NO *KIWI* CAN SAY THEY DID THAT! Leave that little*drKiwi* alone and get your money!!!

*drKiwi*, it's been 10 years since you passed. This year makes 11. It's been hard, no doubt. But you're in my dreams and nightmares. You softened me. You toughened me up. I thank you. I resent you. I can feel you. I miss you.

#KingKiwi is doing just fine in his dormitory. I know he's working hard and has a lot of people pressuring him to be more or less of himself, so I leave him alone. Leave it to *drKiwi* to debunk my theory of being "connected" to a higher resource. Because I don't want to argue with ANYONE, let alone *drKiwi*, I just take the blows and collect my evidence of the contrary in silence.

I already know, and have already proved, so it's on you, *drKiwi s*!!!!

~~Charles Hamilton~~

***beep***

Confessions of silence.

I've made it clear that *drKiwi* is my #opp. I don't like this person, this person violated, and they think I can be bought. Listen, family. I'm not driven by money. It's a requirement to live, but I already know how life is with it.

And that's where I start this entry.

I often think to myself that I could've done more with my money (on Interscope). But then it hits: outside of whatever I could've invested in, I did RIGHT with my money. The apartment in El Barrio was for my peoples who were struggling (Nate and Kurt were homeless, Sha had housing issues, etc.), and the house upstate was for my creative a-alikes (Halo, Sciryl, Kesed, etc.). 

It worked out until it didn't.

If I end up in the money again, I plan to try to do the same thing. So long as it's a permanent living situation for me. 

Back to *drKiwi*. Real artists don't like you, women are using you for your money/influence, your label exposed you as corny... I'm not your scapegoat. In fact, your demise is the slightest bit of karma. You tried to break me. Then tried to emulate! The nerve! 

So yeah, *drKiwi*. Don't text me. I dare you to call me out for this.

As far as Kiwi herself, she's become a notebook for my mind.

Go ahead. Ask her who *drKiwi* is in this context.

I dare you.

#cHamEra

The ugly truth/the beautiful Deception

At 649, the first halfway house I was in (2022), I produced and recorded "A Carver's Theme". I sampled Chloe Bailey's cover of "Footloose" for Pepsi. As the song's cover photo, I chose a picture of her sister, Halle Bailey as Ariel ("The Little Mermaid"). 

The song I sampled wasn't Chloe's best. As organic as she is and can be, I felt the cover was TOO synthy and electronic for her. Alas, she had an opportunity to make money and gain mainstream exposure, so I'm not mad at her. As far as Halle, the picture wasn't flattering, but it was a remnant of a historical role she was blessed to have the opportunity to play.

The point of the song ("A Carver's Theme") is and was, i would've carved my veins out should I have had to make such creative sacrifices. Is Chloe talented? Yes! Is Halle ugly? No! But sometimes in this business, you have to take losses in order to win big.

Those *drKiwi*s are untouchable.

As far as "A Carver's Theme", I'll try to post it to my blog via phone.

One sec...

Found it!

Hold ya head, Bailey Sisters!

You're bosses in ways you can't fathom.

#TBDR

"...across the starry void..."

 

Through SEGA, I find God.

Through God, I find Hip-Hop.

Through Satan, I find Rock & Roll.

Through LA, I find Snoop Dogg.

...let's just refer to him as *drKiwi*.

So since I moved into this star-studded starcraft of a housing project, I have come across many *drKiwi* individuals. It takes instinct, grit, and faith & belief in aliens... being SEGA, to be able to co-exist here. Only Chris Rivera can call me wrong. Anywho, one *drKiwi* intrigued me with their gi (#martialarts). *drKiwi* wearing it reminded me of the avant-garde attire I used to wear in NYC. I'm dressing 2008 again, but 2020 I was showing out (chika-OW! chika-OW! OW!).

*drKiwi*'s usually outside in the morning when I go out for my coffee and cig. We spend several mornings trading war stories and battle scars. One morning, he invites me to his flat (apartment; in #SZ4000, my name for the ship/building). "Why not?", right? lol nothing bad is going to happen in this story. 

So, we get upstairs, and he rolls a blunt. We smoke. We joke. We laugh. We reflect. AWESOME time. Now, I have been good about stashing my #Illuminati knowledge when smoking with people I'm not sure about. And, likely, *drKiwi* is an innocent civilian being housed by #SZ4000/SEGA.

Bro. The Snoop Dogg POPPED OUT OF *drKiwi*.

And it was awesome.

So since then, Snoop has become #KingKiwi. I think I might name Eminem #QueenKiwi. He's a MAINSTAY in #TheHamiltonQuazar, but he can be... rather *catty* about me. I can't even have me around Em. Anyway, #KingKiwi...

Lately, we've been getting BLITZED and watching Star Trek. One night, we were ....fuckin DONE4... and just fucked around and started watching whatever was on the TV. At that moment, Star Trek came on. From the moment it was on the TV, until right now... #KingKiwi and I were HOOKED.

Nichelle Nichols is the baddest bitch in history.

I'm lucky to have you as a friend, #KingKiwi. Because the more I get to know you, the more intimidating you become. It's a little unbelievable. Then again, is it? I know you're on the road with DJGL (GreenLANtern!!!). He's *drKiwi*'d in #The HamiltonQuazar before, he just has has many duties on Earth. I gotchu, Snoop. Don't wanna smoke all your weed like Anderson.*Kiwi*.

Folks, if you come to the West Coast, you'll DEFINITELY have encounters with the celebrity kind. As soon as you doubt it, you push them away. Stressful? Weed is legal. But don't come here thinking I'm (CH, here) no one. Sorry for feeling myself, but a lot of *drKiwi*s would be .jpgs without me. BEFORE 2008. 

And now the medication has seeped in, and I feel bad and guilty for being able to Niagra drip all over about 10 Freshman classes. INCLUDING MINE. 

Factz know.

#CH

"Another one bites..."

So *drKiwi* sent me a text a day or two ago, with a link to an IG video. In it was a female MC named *drKiwi*. The name rang a bell, but that's what rappers do. They name themselves fictional names and characters... or names that ring bells with The All Seeing Eye. It comes across as an intimidation method and is in-genuine, as to why I don't rock w/ it. But whatever, I thought. I clicked the link, on my Slowbama Phone.

I'm not gonna mince words with anyone, *drKiwi* bit my delivery. Not my flow, my wordplay or content. In fact, those are a different conversation piece in and of itself. But yeah. *drKiwi*'s interpolation of how I SAY things, I didn't find flattering. And if *drKiwi* should go anywhere from this, they may be confronted by StarChasers. The only thing that makes this NOT a fight worth fighting is *drKiwi*'s gender.

Gender, being at the forefront of most fights/battles/wars these days...

*drKiwi* once swore off fame. Now they're a fiend for it. and I feel like they're getting desperate. I can confidently say that fame doesn't matter to me. My purpose is greater than the glory fame gives. That being said, I don't feel any angst towards *drKiwi* for blatantly biting. Nor can I blame *drKiwi* for whoring themselves out for fame. Money is a reward of/for/from fame. But it comes with blood and venom.

You hungry?
How hungry?

Nothing but love on the new music! Outside of the requests to get softer and "organize my thoughts". I ot meds for that. Not feelin' where the meds take me, look elsewhere for it.

Just stand by your move.

#TheBlackDrRobotnik

Debt to society.

 

The *drKiwi* phenomenon is sweeping the Internet! Everyone and everything is on offense, defense and notice about how to become*drKiwi*. Well, ALL of you are about to face *drKiwi* treatment... on and offline.

In 2010, I made the life-changing decision to be a practicing witch. Self-defense without bloodshed was the goal. Not wealth, not beauty, not fame. In MANY respects, I achieved my goals and, in turn, I am VERY happy. I have done and am doing God's work, WITHOUT USING GOD. The result? Catchy tunes you can wonder to/about.

In 2013, I learned that what I was doing and developing on my own was already na established form of witchcraft...

Creatures of The Night (StarChasers), I am a Solitary Witch.

ALL of what I do, from root work to shadow work, must be done alone. Still, do what it takes to survive.

Thus, expect fewer calls on the personal tip, fewer DMs and the rarest of sightings. I always end up a step behind when I try to incorporate other people into SoliCraft (just coined that; edited to SolCraft). And as lonely as I get, i hate looking at my call log on days' end and seeing how many calls I placed (versus the missed and incoming ones). 

Another thing. *drKiwi*'s advice and suggestions are ill-timed, as they either go against my creative process or take me out of my zone. I am more than aware that my new(er) music doesn't "hit" like #theprocess. Still, I am believing in myself more than I did then, and the music I've made since then is why. It's advanced, at times. Other times, it justifies the schizophrenia diagnosis. Work with me.

One day, it'll all make sense.

You are appreciated, *drKiwi*. You just gotta let love goooo...

#cHam

"It's #mouse outside...!"