As you can reference, I’ve been struggling to quit smoking and restore my voice to factory settings. I recently recorded another new album, and though I was able to complete it without vocal error, I still struggled with my new-er vocal range. My falsetto is gone, and I can’t “bend” my voice the way I want to/used to.
Needless to say, I’ve been downhearted.
Tonight, or this morning, I went digging for some inspiration. Not so much records to sample, but open-for-interpretation music that can motivate me. Lately I’ve been JAMMING to Herbie Hancock, Thelonious Monk and, my biggest inspiration of late, Sun Ra. So I searched my mental Rolodex for other pianists who speak through the music. I found myself at the doorstep of one Chick Correa.
Dude is the Latin Thelonious Monk, in that he can speak entire PHRASES with the way he plays piano. Chris Rivera gave me an Apple Music account, so I fucking BINGED on Chick’s music. I stumbled upon an album that caught my attention, for the esoteric, linguistic symbolism it contains:
“Now He Sings, Now He Sobs”
I listened to this album all morning long. I even came up with a concept for it: he (Chick Correa) or a fictional pianist, tried to sing a song he wrote, and due to years of smoking and jamming, was unable to hit the song’s notes. Did that stop the process? No! He pulled a Clyde Drexler and adjusted his shot until he got a rhythm. So yes. I do plan to quit smoking cigs (at least). But until my lungs and voice box are on the same page, I must train my voice to be able to comfortably hit notes that came easy to me before. And I’m dooinit! That’s what I been doing since first being told to stop recording (by doctors).
Even still, I’m looking at a future of me being a pianist/producer. I like how my voice sounds nowadays… raspy, Smokey, and very dead ass. But I know how to speak through the piano as well. And I have a lot to say. I just want open minds. #Supernothing has people talking ALREADY. Not a bad thing. But I do feel a bit BEYOND being a Top 5 rapper. No matter how much sense I make or DONT make, it doesn’t matter to someone who is used to being empowered (as opposed to being encouraged). Empowerment is a form of alleviating pain before it is felt. Encouragement doesn’t ensure safety, but pushes you into uncertainty. You never know until you try, type shit.
So this is a Chick Correa morning. I might bump some Em later. I kinda only listen to him when I complete tasks. He’s an indulgence that requires free time. I somewhat strive to be the same. I just want to be my own favorite rapper, ya know? And as long as I’m comparing myself to Em, Jay, Nas, Jada, Pap, etc., I’m never gonna get there. I know how much work goes into EVERYTHING ABOUT MY MUSIC, and I know that I undersell my quality. I’m tired of saying my music is best in headphones. I’m tired of explaining why I don’t like to write. And I still do it, I’m just not a spiral notebook worm like I was when I first started.
Making the music I been making since 2012 requires EXTREME belief in myself and the artform called Magic. Even when I’m at my lowest, Magic and my music bring me to a happiness I NEVER had, when I was unsure of what (exactly) it was that I was doing. All I ask is that you give it a shot. These other guys, they might give you a perfect project. The right videos, the right producers, the right features… but they aren’t as emotionally invested in the music as I am. Dead any genre, to be frank. There’s no way I can stand corrected. I am the literal forefather of direct fan communication . Maybe Michael Jackson, but that was before The Internet and… you see what that got him.
Maybe I’m looking too deep or too far into this thing. I just know that, even in the circles where I’m SUPPOSEDLY getting love, there are slick comments and outsider suggestions. Makes you wonder if it’s worth it sometimes.
Well, I got music. And magic. I’m fine for now.
Thank you, Chick Correa, for allowing me to interpret a voice I never heard.
