[Enter the Hamilton.]: June 2020

Every Wedding (a freewrite)

Afraid to see you.

My sins make me afraid to see you.

I justify my fear by your inferno.
Your inferno, unbeknownst to you.

When I did measure up, I didnt serve.
Service.
I can never measure up.
Only overflow the banks with potential.
No foresight.

You provide the breeze of complacency.
For the corporate.
You provide docile for the rebel.

I completely shut the fuck up around you.

Hear it.
The sound of me screaming your name.

Know that the desire for the inverse is the drive to be the driver.

You know my future.
I have yet to live it.

My needs do not want you to restrict.
I want to unleash my needs on you.

Confidence and a good sense of humor.

Such is why I never crash a wedding.
And may always be alone.

Wish you were here.

. . .

=The Immortal=

(note: "chicks" are pieces of Charles Hamilton; "bicthes" are karmatic manifestations of Charles Hamilton)

Your tiny hand...

So, ...aight.

The next relationship Im in is it.
Whether we have a past or are perfect strangers.

Im letting her know EVERYTHING, off the rio.

Lol #offtherio.

I'm looking into #TheRing now.

I am lead.
She is refuge.

Very lonely.
Lovesick.

Kinda sad.

Frustrated.

And a new album is complete.

Polygamy, on the hand of the beheld.

I love you toomuchalready, #Simone.

=The Immortal=

I was just thinkin' about you...

So, y'all wondered why you barely saw me.
I was there the whole time.

I love you guys too much to face you.
I was there the whole time.

I love you guys too much to face you.
You are divine.
I was there the whole time.

I face desires and feelings I have not the courage to verbalize.
I feel like a cornball for how I feel about you guys.
I love you guys too much to face you.
I was there the whole time.

I am, can be and will be annoying.
Irritating.
You leave me clueless.
It takes extreme courage to talk to each of you.
I love you too much to face you.

I was there the whole time.

I miss you guys.
I am and can be jealous.
I don't want to say sorry for being so lame, but I am.
Both lame and sorry.
But I'm lit.
Overlit.

Whatever I have to be to keep the only reason(s) I have to keep living.

I was there the whole time.
I was there the whole time.

It feels good to be your baby brother.
Your guilty pleasure.

I live to love you guys.
No matter what.

I was there the whole time.

IVforever.

=The Immortal=

The Chronicles of Superdad

Nothing official.
Nothing legal.

Only signs from TheUniverse.

I feel I will be with my children soon.

More than happy about it.

The problem:
I have to feed, clothe and house them.

I have no steady income or place to stay.

Their mothers make more than me and have great living conditions.
They just, truth be told, are unfit mothers.

I am only one man.
With insecurities out of this world.

Being "in tune with my feminine side" can lead to conflicts for and with my sons.
Being "a nigga" or "a real nigga" is toxic, in many ways, for my daughter.

As much as I can teach and with all the love I have... and as bad as my children need me in their life... they need both parents.

Individuals who grew up without both parents are unbalanced.
That's the last thing I want my children to exist as.

The grind is major.

If I do end up with custody of my children, less music may be made.
I've accepted that to be the case years ago.
I've laced you all with lifetimes and anthologies of heat.

Like..., yo.

Tomorrow was a hyper-planned pregnancy.
Even with me not trusting her mother fully.

Danjer is a blessing of a miracle baby.
I faced impotency from the psych meds I had to take.

Crazh is wild, but only I know his fragility.
I must be there for him.
Help him understand who HE is.

I somewhat have enough love for myself to not need validation, but this self-love came AFTER they were born.
Who knows what bitter thoughts and emotions (toward me) my children hold?

I love you, #Teamsters.
You come first in my life.

No question.

We gon make it.
We gon make it.

=The Immortal=

One's Inner Urkel

Every first word is a chore.

Every gesture, horribly calculated.

My own self-image, critical when by one's self.

Shit... biological adjustments are made and being made.

And nothing official is set.

Yup.

This chick I'd date is invading.

I can hear the negatives.

I can feel the influence of saying something negative.

The pressure to be Saxophone Wineglass is greater than before.

Mutual friends, and a tragic recent romantic history.

Nigga, "The Browns have only made it to the post-season twice, facing their archnemesis..."

I want to jump the gun.

I know I'll hate myself for it.

But... yeah I want to go frolicking in green pastures like Chance in Homeward Bound.

Nice choice of names, Charles...

I'm back in the Days Inn with Sebastian.

We're supposed to be making music, but we got rocket high (weed) and I passed out.

He was playing Apex, and it was pretty late when I got here.

But damn, man.

This chick I'd date.

We're like subbing each other on IG.

No shots.

Just... if you were heres.

Bear in mind that one false move with FDAliens and an entire school year will be pregnant.

Real quick.

Shout out to Juneteenth.

Idk, papis.

Anyway...

This chick I'd date.

We have no pictures together.

And I don't like to speak for both of us.

But like... we need pictures together.

I'm gonna step outside for a sec.

Give The Sun it's morning due.

As The Sun is my morning dew.

Give the morning it's due.

I will say...

I'm in the world where we casually call and check on each other.

The first kiss is beyond too much.

The first embrace is paralysis.

We're doing the right thing, moving this slow.

But I'm on your heels.

Enjoy today, Tomorrows.

=The Immortal=

A Streetcar Named Desire

So, I sent the DM.

If you've been watching The Hamilton Show/The Hamilton Quazar (moreso the show; Quazar is a production), I go hard(er) at anyandeverything when I have a girfriend.

Well, I am passed the age of boyfriend/girlfriend talk.

I told "this chick I'd date" that if I get another record deal, she has to be my girlfriend.
Marriage in mind.

I can't afford to meet anyone new, with influence being passed as easily as Covid.
And more deadly.

I know where my improvements are to come from.
I see no flaws in her, and am a representation of many factors in her life and world.

Alas, she hasn't replied.

I justWe justbelieve.

My SuicidalGoth-O-Meter went off like it usually does when I fall in love.

I have a lot of music in mind for a potential record deal.
She will be my muse.

This is from within the confides of the chest I hold her to.

Death is certain.

co.: #TheDowntownCrew, #PostBardia

=The Immortal=

Like...

So, as of tomorrow, I have to leave another location.
I can take the blame for this one.
I didn't come to the community meeting (Tuesdays at 7), and the racist white guy I've been having trouble with... I ate his food twice without asking permission (or knowing it was his).

See children?
Take responsibility for your actions.

VSDiamond gave me an earful today.

All of it was out of love, but my growth is remarkable.

I'm frustrated at the double standard of decency/rachitness.

All I can do is make enough money to either facilitate or condemn either or.

I'm sure Mike is gonna ask for back rent, I owe Gramma Carol $300 for a phone bill from the early 2000s, I owe VK some bread, gotta pay Diamond for living with her, I owe O...

I gotta get money.

The only form of respect respected on Planet Earth.

You can't say I'm wrong.

Until next time, on.....

The Adventures of Pac Ham

=The Immortal=

U-Haul super

If I can't own an apartment in Harlem, I DEFINITELY want... and fucking HAVE EARNED THE RIGHT TO... own an apartment in Brooklyn.

The apartment will look JUST like t-vvl.blogspot.com.

And... no bullshit, it might be littier.

=The Immortal=

What's in a name?

A lot can be learned about someone from their name.
Destiny is determined by one's name.
One's name means more than what you are called.

Live up to your name.

In the world of production (The Netherworld), the name you are introduced with isn't the name you end up being called.

Fabolous Sport went to Fabolous, until The Streets started calling him Fab.
And that's just rap.

DJ Premier is known as Primo (Preemo, Premo, etc.).
Pete Rock is known as PaRra.
The Alchemist is known as Al or ALC.
9th Wonder, 9th.

The more expansive your resume, the more sensitive people get about you being called by a particular name by an outside (in this case, a fan).

J Dilla is known as Dil, Dilla, Deezy... but will forever be Jay Dee.
Madlib has Quasimoto, who is known as Lord Quas, while he is known as TheBadKid.

Some names bring about a joy that is organically refreshing.

I love saying Halo.
I love saying ?uestlove.
I love saying 9th.
I love saying Premier.

Basically, names that roll off your tongue.

Please don't pause me.

Big shouts to 1007 Workin (10_0-7, y'all).
Great producer of Jamaican/Caribbean descent.
I plan to work with him more.

I've been getting a lot of love for The Suicidal 6.
Very excited to share with you the origins of the title and concept.
You just gotta be ready.

As I continue to work on this new genre, I want to bring you up to speed on my music's development.

My early works were in hopes that I could bring peace and joy to Planet Earth through my story, while extending unrequited, unconditional love to extraterrestrial beings.
Such became the case more when I implemented marijuana.
Then it was about defending extraterrestrials from Earthling abuse, while extending unrequited, unconditional love to those deserving of such.
Unspoken, the goal was to be able to stand independently, giving THE RIGHT kind of love and acknowledgement to the right people.

I am now making day one to 2 nights ago come full circle, with the latest addition to my repertoire.
I'll talk about it soon.

At day's end, I will be comfortable and confident in who I am.
No matter where I am.
With the objective being affluence.

New iTouch.
Need a current MacBook to use it.