I'm a survivor. Thank you, Destiny's Child, for giving me a theme song that I am too guy-ish to play on my own. Still, I take pride in knowing that I survived the damndest conditions. From sexual assault to bullying to drug abuse to homelessness to fame to doom. I've been through it all. And I made it out with only self-inflicted wounds. Clap for 'em!!!
I noticed that since I started making music, I've met so many people who've had similar stories. At first it made me bitter. I thought I was special, God! But then, I realized that I am special, and that I am bringing light to people who otherwise would be lost in the darkness. That was my fuel to keep going. I can recall in 2014... I decided I would make CLASSIC ALBUMS. Undeniably classic albums. I didn't listen to what was hot, I barely listened to what I would normally listen to. I gave you ALL OF ME, on 12-14 track albums. At first, the projects didn't resonate with my listeners. I remember fighting tears, reading forums about how bad my music is.
The initial feeling was hatred. Pure, unadulterated hatred. But again, it fueled me. So by the time I signed with Turn First, I was ready to WRITE some SCATHING bars at people who I don't know personally, but had so much to say about me. Around 2016-17 I started feeling guilty, and wanted to embrace my StarChasers. Strangely, it was around then that they started giving me my flowers for my music in 2014. November 30th, 2017, I committed suicide. The Devil himself said I don't belong down there, and I was escorted back to reality. I met up with my cousin Spazzo and recorded "Resurrection of the Mixtape Rapper" and "Aquafina Dreamer: The Mixtape". "Resurrection..." is probably online somewhere. "Aquafina..." is still in the vault. I might drop it by the end of this blog entry.
Point is, let nothing stop you from achieving your goal(s). You are your only hinderance. Your doubt, your skepticism, your implosions of self... all that stops you from getting where you want to go. This I know. I'm currently in trouble for being high at the halfway house I'm at. Amber got her wish, it seems. So I'm not gonna be smoking weed for a little minute. At least until I clean my rapport here at the house and get some progress on my housing situation. Basically, I let my desires get in my way. I'm still learning. But while I'm at the bottom, my hand is up, pointing my index to above the sky.
There is no limit in life.
Only what God forbids.
Love.
