As an introduction, I have been reading The Bible A LOT, as well as psychiatry (self-help) books, witchcraft manuals and my beloved Tarot cards. The Bible brings factual clarity to my identity crisis of now (I'M NOT SONIC FOR REAL?!), self-help books point out where I can go with the development I achieved by reading, witchcraft manuals bring me a devilish kind of joy (there are holidays on The Moon), and Tarot is more than accurate. All of which use words, except Tarot, which still uses thousands of words.
Yet none of them know the word to describe me.
I do.
And I will be condemned upon using it.
May the condemnation occur.
The best word to describe me is....
queer.
Before you suck my dick all crazy, peep it:
adjective, queer·er, queer·est.
strange or odd from a conventional viewpoint; unusually different; singular:
a queer notion of justice.
of a questionable nature or character; suspicious; shady:
Something queer about the language of the prospectus kept investors away.
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verb (used with object)
to spoil; ruin.
to put (a person) in a hopeless or disadvantageous situation as to success, favor, etc.
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noun
Slang:Often Disparaging and Offensive. (The noun “a queer” is often used with disparaging intent and considered offensive even among those who approve of the corresponding adjective “queer.” The plural “queers” is less likely to offend than the singular “a queer.”)
a term used to refer to a person who is gay.
a person whose sexual orientation or gender identity falls outside the heterosexual mainstream or the gender binary.
Slang. counterfeit money.
I am awkward and strange. I also had a strange fixation with transexuals for YEARS. I feel I am too gentle for women and not enough for men. In the facility I'm in, there is a transgender male. I told him I haven't been recording because my music is pretty homophobic and angry. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable. Turns out, he loves trannies like me. And, if I had the chance to tell certain men how beautiful they are, I would be relieved.
This being Pride Month, I ask that we all just give what we want: love. And do it all the time. I know, the month is almost over. But having gay sex forced upon me at a young age tainted my reaction to males in general. Then Harlem.
Of which I miss terribly. Happy birthday, Loveya Bell!!!
Basically, I see myself as queer. Not in the sexual context. I'm hyperstraight. That's my problem. I'm pretty stereotypical when it comes to women. Some circumstances are coincidental (dating many light-skinned women), others are intentional (cooking and cleaning in exchange for a place to stay).
I'm tired of being all macho to prove to niggas in a barbershop I still got it. Shouts to Math Hoffa, but toxic male energy is to blame for all of the world's damn problems.
I have more to say, but I'm enjoying the music I'm listening to, and want to give it my undvided.
Until next time.
Out!
