I know how sensitive you are. I'm just as sensitive. I know all the things that keep you from fully immersing yourself into the darkness. I know, because as one of them, I fear the same things. I know you can see through the pseudo. I can only pray to do the same. With all that said, hear me out...
I feel I may owe you an apology. From 2012-2021, I would proudly proclaim that I was Gothic/a Goth. That hasn't changed. What has is the volume (rate) of which I say it. A real Goth doesn't have to always have to say it. You can say it. A DEEP Goth KNOWS they're Gothic and doesn't have to display it. With me, I felt the need to REPRESENT the Subculture. Meaning going on SERIOUS hunts for UFOs (pants), committing blaspheme at one's home church, burning Bibles outside of liquor stores, sacrificing cats... I've done it all. I have Gothic friends, so it wasn't about fitting in. It was about staking my claim. The Prince of Darkness, if you will. Prince + Darkness, ya dig?
What I found is, MANY people around me already identified me as Gothic. They were praying that I don't go any deeper into it. They care about me. Goths don't always care about themselves. When we find romantic love, it's usually a stew of time-collected dirt and dried tears. I'm not always in Gothic "areas", if you will. Harlem isn't conducive for Goths. Very superficial. Hopefully that's changed. During my stay in jail in LA, I met ZERO Goths and HELLA Satanists. In fact, I have a story about a scar I have on my forehead from jail.
I got put into a 4-man cell with 2 Bloods and a Crip. I already didn't look like I fit in, and when I got in the cell, they didn't hesitate to press me about my "affiliations". Once they were content that I wasn't a rival gang member, they chilled out. They asked me who my favorite rapper was. I hesitated, and out of fear, said Nas. Y'all know my favorite rapper is Em. Still, they must've smelt the fear and decided to push up on me. It was 3 on 1. I fought back. Because I fought back, they respected me. Offered me Pruno. Only jailheads would get it, and I hope you guys never find out. No homo.
Well, the reason I brought you guys here is this: don't be afraid to fight back. Fight the oppression. You can use me as an example. Despite low numbers, bad reviews and being blatantly copied, I continue to challenge authority. Whether it's rival MCs or religious leaders who've made it their agenda to shut me up. I encourage you to make amends with your parents (no matter what, they're a rare breed), but I also encourage you not to compromise. The struggle found there exemplifies the struggle of being an individual. It starts at home.
The suicide rate has dropped. Congrats, StarChasers! But while you're alive, make the most of it. Don't waste all your money on drugs and alcohol. Don't try to keep up with the latest fashions. Allow yourself to be a billboard for individuality. And realize that, as Goths, you push CULTURE forward. Everyone looks forward to seeing a Goth in the street. Open your mind, too. Hip-Hop can be just as Satanic as Rock. Ask Jay/Em/Redman/RZA.
Look. I really love you. I can kinda only look you guys in the eyes. Hopefully you love me too. I won't stop being Goth, but it'll hurt to be shunned by the community that defines me.
Rock on.
