Shout out to Apollo Brown. I'm listening to his latest instrumental album. I plan to post a link to the YouTube playlist at the end of this entry. But yeah. I had to remind myself how depressed I really am. I can't believe I put my hands on a woman. Especially a woman I planned a future with. I have very little money to my name. My connects in the business aren't the same. I'm TOO tempted to try Fentanyl. My teeth are tragically stained. Though it's not a complaint, my grays are coming in at a high rate. I walk funny, due to having glass in one foot and a mouse bite on the other. My singing voice is dwindling due to cigarettes. My turntable deck isn't working, along with my software not working like it did just a month ago.
All these things I can fix myself. But my spirit isn't willing to. I just want to make music, blog and take pictures. However, I realized something...
God loves me!
I don't plan to take God's love for granted. I'm not even sure if I should acknowledge God's love. I'm a damn Devil! On that topic, I spoke with Splash recently. I was able to help him out of a jam. He doesn't know how far down I've sunk. I really am struggling with keeping myself motivated. I tried to record "Stardust" today, and passed out. Some albums, like "The Left Turntabl", are charmed. Meaning, I'm doing The Devil's dirty work by recording them. Meaning, it's not my energy that's needed. And I felt it today. I was BARELY able to make it to dinner. And dinner sucked, by the way.
Yo. I hope to inspire with all that I do. Take notes on the falters, celebrate the highs. I don't slave for hours on my MacBook just to be laughed at, with not return on investment. I'm turning 36. Most folks would've quit at 24, with the career I've had. I may have stepped back, but I never stopped making music (or writing poetry/blogging). I always find a way to express the Gothic angst of a Black male misunderstood.
Is it still all good?
^
^
If you don't *no*, now you *know*...
