"If you wanna be a junkie, wow."
-C. Mayfield, "Freddie's Dead"
Curtis Mayfield's music has impacted me A LOT over the years. I don't know, it's like I catch the lyrics when I first hear them, but over time it just became/becomes inescapable.
Drugs and I have a love/hate relationship. I've tried it all. Ashamed to say it, even Crack. I'm always depressed when I do 'em, and I'm always happy when I'm on 'em. When the high goes, I can only hope to have some art to show for the good time I had. My drug of choice is Heroin. I'm reminded of it every time I see CYoung. He wanted to stage a "beef" between us, which included an Instagram rap battle. The first thing out of his mouth was my heroin addiction. From that day moving forward, I always looked at him different.
I guess I clung to Heroin because it feels like a mother's love. Warm, gives you a cuddly feeling, and it promises not to leave you in the same position it found you in. The promise is in the jokes it tells. If you're in tune with yourself/your body when you're high, you'll catch all the hidden puns in the drug. As much as it is a depressant, I always have the best jokes when I'm on H. And don't be fooled. Heroin does not make you a better songwriter. You just get DEEP in the rhythm/bass when you're on it.
I've calmed down over the years. Though I've dipped into some hard stuff in recent months, I've only been on Weed. I find that I can navigate the bullshit I'm in BETTER when I have some Weed in my system. Of course, I sleep heavily in public and snore loudly... but that's besides the point.
I know I gotta do better. And I am. I'm constantly working on improving my craft. Not just music. Writing, marketing, promotion... everything is in conjunction. I'm proud of my progress. I could be out robbing people for a quick fix at a dispo. I could catch a body over a wallet. Like, I feel it. I feel the rage of wanting to use. But I got my blog to vent on, my music to create with, and my StarChasers to remain alive for. I'll be okay.
I plan to drop the remastured "Hypergoth!" some time this year. Let the remastured "Electronic Christmas" serve as an example of the damage I'm about to do.
If you don't see the correlation between Goth Subculture and Curtis Mayfield, you're listening wrong. For Black people, meet the voice that narrated our darkest hours. For White people, meet the man with the heart of gold that won you over. The Black Bobby Caldwell, if you well... no one knew Mayfield was Black until they saw him.
Hate better.
