This *doc* always has a way of influencing me, to my detriment. Sad, because I believed in his hustle. He was more of a class clown than me, and only made himself available when it became evident that I was going places. I was more naive then than I am now. Praise be Zyprexa.
I can hear him in my head, saying I NEED to get back on H to make another Pink Lavalamp. I resented dude then, and now only a few weeks from the 20th anniversary, I want nothing to do with him.
I dont hate anyone. I just don’t deem you worthy of a name drop. In fact, with the momentum I’m gaining (of which I’m thankful and worked hard for), you stand to get a great push yourself. So hold this L while I hold on to my time.
I’m even upset I wrote this.
It’s being written to combat the notion of particular StarChasers insisting the same thing.
I saw from early in the process that talking about H usage was going to be ammunition for the heartless, “inspired” kid who wants to humiliate their favorite rapper’s favorite rapper. And I knew the value of TPinkL before it dropped, based on HARLEM’s reaction to it (I’m moving WITH you, my Beloved Harlem!). I was on pins and needles when it was time to release it, no lie. And as I pick the album apart and attempt to optimize the LIVE listening experience, I am reminded of what I did and did NOT do.
I DID give opportunities.
I DID NOT give a fuck about myself.
Now that I look at myself with a different perspective/mindset/lens, I’m starting to resent the “seemingly harmless” jokes and “better judgement” wisdom.
I shared, when I dared.
I cared, with no one there.
Only I got me here, from over there.
I can’t afford to make jokes on the situations of others. They’ll hit below the belt, I’ll follow-up, it turns into a gang/neighborhood related fight. And, when it’s all said and done, I earned a little over $1 million in my lifetime, BEFORE the age of 21. Only one in my family to do it. Everyone had their doubts, everyone had their beliefs. Did I suffer? Yes. But everyone in the workforce does.
You’re working with force.
Come one, come all.
Just don’t occupy the wall.
~Enter the Hamilton~
