I did an interview today with a family friend and media journalist I can trust. The interview went well. We got in depth about The Pink Lavalamp and what I was doing around that time. We used to work together at my uncle's Internet Television Broadcasting Company (Brownstone Digital, Inc.; the modern format for CBS, BET, and SEVERAL OTHER media conglomerates). She asked me how I managed to steer clear of my uncle's watchful eye. I told her "lies".
Lies are why I'm still alive today.
I lied to my grandmother to get money, to my uncle about why I was late to work, to my mom so I can get out the house... then I would lie about NOT having enough money for the dealer, lie to my girlfriend about where I've been (such is documented in a few songs on The Pink Lavalamp), to FDA about being happy... just skyscraper levels of lies stacked on lies. When the interviewer (Leila; pronounced Lee-lah) came up with this segment about who I would want to give an apology if I could, I said to my mother. I used to lie to my mother a lot growing up. Little things that became big things that ultimately led to asswhoopings and lost trust. In the interview, I caught myself in a little lie, as far as when I got started using. And the more I gave it thought, the more grim my history with hard drugs became. I was more scared of my mom finding out I did H courtesy of an OD. That's what made me stop the first time, in 10th grade. I messed around from time to time in 11th, and when I got to FDA, it was barely recreational. I think coming back from college (2006; God damn!) and dealing with a sick/agitating mom (RIP) and my Jamaican girlfriend having eyes for another is what made me dip again.
There's a story Nate told during the Faultlines documentary. I had OD'd on a cocktail of drugs, as provided by a jamband who were rehearsing in the same studio as us from The FDA Studio. That was early summer '06. Bear with me as I try to retrace my steps. I basically lied to Nate and told him I wouldn't use anymore, and then he went away to college. Somehow, I began seeing Jamarris, and that struck him some kinda way. I thought he was jealous. He was trying to keep me focused. His girl and my girl (Toya) were cool, the studio loved Toya... he didn't want me to ruin a good thing by chasing "the prettiest girl in FDA". I lied to Toya about Jamarris, I lied to Jamarris about using...
I feel fucked up again.
Well, Mom, I'm sorry for lying to you like you're someone to be lied to. I was just trying to protect your heart. You would've hated me for using. Yes, I stole money from your purse/ATM, yes that's where I was going when I took so long to come back to the store (among other surprises... I'm a famous rapper, mom!), no, I never sold my body for drugs... I'll tell you any and everything you want to know.
Just talk to me again.
Pardon me, you guys. I gotta clear my conscious of a wicked tongue.
No photos today.
~Enter the Hamilton~
