Don’t call *drKiwi* about this shit. It’s not that serious. Nevertheless, abandoning projects is like removing a musical fetus from my creative womb.
I began work on an album called “Survivor’s Guilt”. The title struck me, and though there is a solid definition to it, I’m not all that sure I survived my test. I’ve been clean from H for about 5-6 years now. Cold turkey, minus HEAVY weed binging sessions. I recently caught a SERIOUS jones for it, and called my dad for support. I would’ve called mom, but most of the lies I told about using were TO my mom. That, plus she’s dead.
I don’t wanna let anyone down. I also can’t say I survived addiction because I’m still struggling with cigarettes. I feel weak about them. I’m down to 2 a day, but I wake up hacking and wheezing. This year also makes 20 years since I bought my first loosie. In Harlem, after FDA closed for the night, on my way to Toya’s. I wanted a blunt so bad, and Sha didn’t have bud or money for it. B/A, I don’t remember why I didn’t smoke with him that night. But yeah. No one had bud, and I had $1.50. Enough for a cig, a brownie and a Nutty (.50 soda).
I may come back to “Survivor’s Guilt”. I just don’t feel strong enough for it right now. It would be a motivating album… motivational… kinda like “Jesus & Santa Claus” (2016). It’s just one of those titles that grabs you by the collar and insists you break the cement shoes The Russian Mafia put on your soul. Or is it Italian…? Still and all, I have some other projects in the works.
Infant of the Malice
Malice of the Infant
I still have some rage in my heart to air out. I fear I missed out on what the world is now hypnotized by. So my perspective is officially out of this world. Just gotta stay focused on the tasks at hand (shows, meetings, etc.) and remember that I’m loved.
I don’t want this love to fade.
#CzH
