Gasp! The mental health arena is trying to remove music from my heart! They want me to "prioritize" personal and self-care, not knowing that such is in my music!
The sacrifice of self it take to carry on a legacy, in an art-form skewered by success (wealth, fame, fortune, etc.)... they know nothing of it, and consider it a sign of psychosis!
I now EMBRACE sleeping late. I counter it by working at a Devil's rate (speed and mass). Still, I wake up 4am every morning and listen to records.
I can just FEEL the meds sucking the love out of what I do.
I now make music I KNOW you gon' dig. Am I crying out for help with my new music? ...sheeit, all I know better than to do is claim my own life while I wait to drop this music on the world.
I saw you at the red light. I started to cross, but the street lights are rigged where I live. You signaled for me to go ahead, but I stayed right where I stood.
I can't allow you to passively have power over me. Or to use your power over me, passively. Yes, I still care about you. Yes, you still cross my mind. But you had me in a trance. A spell, if ever I knew (of) one. I had to learn how to live and love without you.
And I did very well for myself!
People ask me all the time, "what has magic done for you?". They think magic has caused me pain of some sort. Magic has been what keeps me happy for the last 15 years, almost exclusively and specifically. Music is still the only love. But Magic, Medicine, Ministry and Money come first these days. Music is the vessel of expression.
All in alphabetical order.
As you can see, I brought some purpose and definition to my HIGHLY musical, yet overall boring-ly "perfect" life. I must admit, though, I am very lonely. I am spending my life alone, as I predicted over an Apollo Brown beat. Living my life, alone, WITH YOU WATCHING. I may limit some of this watching y'all are doing in the near future. But suicide is out of the question, no matter how depressed I get.
My StarChasers, love me or hate me, love 'em or hate 'em, are good enough reason (or excuse) to not claim my own life. If they truly do hate me (like my intuition insists they do), they wouldn't drive me to the grave. They would drive me to let them know how I feel about them, in articulate choice words with contexts ranging from The Bible to The Laveyan Satanist Bible.
Sharp contrast. But I will not be dead at the hands of a phony StarChaser's Twitter fingers.
In contrast, if they love me as much as they SAY they do, I would be considered the asshole I feel I am living by taking my own life. If I've helped you heal, why hurt you by killing me?
I'm here now, stranger. No thanks to you. Despite how much we have in common. We are poison for each other. And I'm sure she'd agree (you know who you are).
The purpose of a male's life is to find out how much more of a man he is. The purpose of a female's life is to find out how much less of a girl she is.
I can elaborate, and this is not law (yet), but #SoundOff!.
It's pretty clear. And not misogynistic towards either male nor female.
Notice anything about the world? With as much as there is to talk about, nothing is worthy of conversation. Politics remains the same (with war in The Middle East and a controversial US President), women are on the incline, men continue to disappoint, and the youth utilize modern technology in ways unforeseen (as far as business).
Leave it to Beaver (yours truly) to offer his life as a medium of media.
You could literally message anyone on my Facebook friends list (--Alien! or otherwise) and get a fresh perspective on me, my music and my world. Even those who say they don't know me. We know people in common. Mutual friends, and Mark so delicately put it.
The main social media app that I use is X/Twitter. I have good engagements with new and powerful people, as well as get realtime, up-to-the-minute updates on what's going on in the entertainment business. The question is, do I still care? Of course I care about the individual in the biz, but the overall system needs to be refined. Everyone complains about the same thing, and no one is beyond it.
Apparently, M.I.A. went live and said she "doesn't have to give thanks to Beyonce". This is a common complaint among the women in "The Industry". At this rate, M.I.A. has to decide whether her peace and peace of mind is worth continuing in professionally. If you're asked to sacrifice something/someone, it's pretty much guaranteed that you will gain from it. The question then becomes, how much will you miss what you sacrifice?(.)
I got asked to sacrifice something, and I didn't. This is why I am not where you think I should be. Point blank. And should you enter the entertainment business, expect it. And anyone who makes you feel bad about putting your ethics first, leave them right where they stand. Nevertheless, if you should accept the sacrifice, be a G. Walk with pride, because you are on the upper echelon.
Just so we're clear. You treated me like crap when we were kids, because you both had a crush on me... correct?
You also knew me outside of the neighborhood, as far as being in the entertainment business... right?
The feelings, though mutual, are only JUST NOW being recognized. In the midst of my villainy.
Federal level, too. I see y'all niggas stalkin'!
Anyway, you managed to inspire a pianist/poet into making a series of music about you. And in a way, you (both) look like (to the mainstream) what Rihanna is on the underground (peace to A$AP Rocky).
I feel myself evolving again. From the demigod of the underground to an overall ALTERNATIVE to the mainstream. I am in deep meditation to see what I will become. I am already getting ideas based on my most recent (yet unheard) work.
Some of these ideas are revisits to previous ideas, with bodies of work to follow. I simply got more in-depth with each thought. Others are based on lyrics I wrote but never recorded. I felt it was MUCH too soon for me to make the assertions I was. The time is more than right, now.
The first drop from Xarles (#TheAlienXarles) is doing VERY well. As you know around these parts, don't take the low numbers as a sign of a low listener's base. And plus, DJ Enjetic blasted 3 of my records on his radio station in ATL. He says the numbers are looking great. Sounds promising. New sound, new style, still the same loser (as you also know).
I got A LOT of love for 8am (A Kingly Birthday)! Thanks, you guys! I was nervous about the beat. I don't always land on the 3rd beat. An experiment of rhythm, with the focus being on the rhythm of a newborn baby. The year ain't over yet (tho)!
I do miss talking about SEGA and Her Members. They do deserve attention and praise for what they're doing in the mainstream and the upscale. From Two Point Hospital to the jewels they create. However, the higher up you go, the lower the deed (you know?).
To me, SEGA is sacred. In fact, I would venture to say they are the prize of industry. Like... #ThePrizeOfIndustry is #SEGA. You would have to be IN Industry to know/understand the sacrifice. But the magic of Nintendo is SEGA.
^ ^ ^ It's gonna be a pretty little minute before I can transcribe these lyrics. Not that they are hard to hear (peep the mix!), but I do a bit of a magic trick with each transcription of my lyrics. They are written/spat a particular way, and I have to be live to do it.
No excuses. I'll just scale back the level.
So last year, my dad informed me that I was born on Tuesday, November 10th, 1987, at 8am.
That inspired a whole new series of birthday music!
8am!
I'm already thinking about next year!
Thank you, everyone, for the birthday wishes. It's early in LA, but many people don't have my new number. Well, if I mean anything to you, you'll reach out.
Thank you, Music, for keeping me going on another day. Even if it is my birthday.
Thank you, Charles Hamilton, for sticking around one more year.
37 is a prime number. Only divisible by 1 and 37 itself. Now, I can look back and make improvements or take inventory from here and assert myself.
I want to maximize my prime. I want to be less passive-aggressive, more smooth. I want to make less inclinations and more informed decisions. With these being the improvements I can make, I clearly have mastered looking back.
Where am I?
Though I am living in a "luxury" apartment (in the hood, might I add), I got here via crime. A crime against many things, but ultimately my insanity took it's toll. Regardless, I am able to create at my own leisure, in conditions that better or worsen at my own volition. However, it's God-level to keep the place clean.
Wow. I really suck at asserting myself.
Let me look this up...
lol without citing my source, there is a bit of ACTING involved with being assertive. That's the antithesis of what I had in mind, but ...dead ass IS what it is.
How many actors do I know in my life?
Honestly, not many.
It's best that I DON'T jinx my lovelife by talking about it. Just know that I let go of certain pipe dreams to be clear on what I bring to the table. Even with this putting pressure on how I carry myself, it puts into perspective how I treat EVERYONE.
I may have mentioned that I got back in contact with H2 (Halo)! Definitely was a breath of fresh air for me to hear from him. Still, it's kinda toxic. It felt like I always had to work for his love. Sounds gay, I know. But ...matter fact, fuck it. I'm over it.
No passive-aggressiveness. I know my worth, and we only double each other up.
Sha-leik fell on tough times. Hate when it happens. He'll muscle his way through. Sciryl and I never manage to catch each other via phone. We will. And it'll be like old times.
Same with Kesed. And I'd like to publicly apologize to Kes for misspelling his name in a heartfelt message. Kinda ruined the theme of the message, but I hope he can forgive me for screwing that one up.
These were my closest friends and, honestly, biggest influences early on in my recording career. I know, I have a large list of influences. But dead Sciryl, Kesed, Sha-leik and Halo were my go-to guys for inspiration. Albeit marijuana's presence...
And then the damn cigarettes, man. The bonds forged under a cigarette lit sunset.
I don't feel like I'm getting all my words out. I'm just excited for another birthday. I earned my place in life and society.
