Heart + Eye Candy

I wanna keep my new love a secret for as long as I can. I already am getting reports of random acts of hatred towards her/us. Those that MATTER are happy for me. I am now in the elite company of 3, as far as me, Dre and Lee having significant others and handling business in this Roman-esque industry. Lee is having a time, and I pray for him. At the same time, we're back to where each of us (Dre included) were 20 years ago, AGAIN. Dre and I agree that this is how it should've been. However, loyalty and hood politics kept us bound to situations that didn't benefit us in the long run.

Such is why I've been reluctant to start a new relationship. 
ESPECIALLY with her/you.

I knew going into this that sharing of me she would have to do with music and my career would be a problem. But she's A GREAT listener, and understands more than I can give her credit for. Thing is, I'm willing to give her credit. I want her to know that her input is valuable, and that I'm willing to listen. I just can't be groomed. She's not like that, though. I think she knows I know what I'm doing, I just maybe need a female's touch to remind me everything will be okay. 

I can't get that from Dre and Leroy. lol

Some *drKiwi* who's been trying to get under my skin with bullshit allegations got back in touch with me. Rather, they're speaking to my inbox. I got nothing to say to them. And I have no interest in making this a street thing. So they're assed out. I'm just entertaining myself with their statements and screenshots that they INSIST on sending my way. lol I started to put a laughing emoji.

Today starts/started a 30-day fast for me. I only ate once, and drank MAD Gatorade. I'm sure the Gatorade is gonna catch up to me, but I walked around in The Sun and did leg-ups on the roof. Light exercise work, I know. I'm gonna turn it up. I just got a late start today, and knew that I had to cut back on eating snacks and fast food. So I did it. Pancakes and sausage held me down all day. I know I'm handsome, but back in 2012 I was BAD. I put on some pounds and my eczema flared up (over time), so it's hard to claim "bad". These are flaws that are notable. lol I was using the fact I'm "bad" as a bottom line for my lyrics, between 2012-2021. 

Blame the incarceration.
Bad niggas don't make it out of jail. So I got a little ugly.

Hard to feel sexy when you're surrounded by men who have the full capability to rape you blind. 

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See? Bad!

Good night, StarChasers!
We'll talk soon, my someone.
 

-so mote it be

"Feels so good..."

 My beloved, I just want you to know that I cherish you. I devour your wisdom. I beam at your intelligence. I want you to embrace your sexy. Our common bond... music... is where you compliment me. Whatever you fantasize about doing, I strive to execute with excellence. I've grown beyond sex, but ours is pyrotechnic. You see the stars like I do: vessels for the divine. The wrong spirit can cause a star to crash. I'm working to liberate these stars.

No matter the star.
You're a star.

To me, and to all that know you.

"...it's got to be the sweetest pain."

I may post the lyrics to this song soon. I just want it to rotisserie on The Internet.

My last relationship wasn't even a relationship. Apparently, I was "her side nigga". After all the sacrifices of mental intellectual property (songs, poems, beats, posts, etc.), I wasn't her first option. I worked hard at being the greatest experience she ever had. I think that's what made me snap. I never put so much on the line (for a woman) before. Shit, I thought *drKiwi* and *drKiwi* were too much in 2006. 20 years later, I am embarking on another love journey. 

I now know what to provide in a relationship.
My whole self.
And she/you understand the sacrifice that such is. 

You don't get in the way.

Maybe I won't record music on the phone with you anymore, but I want to feel you with me. Your warmth is juicy. Your flavor is exotic. I can go on for days about how intensely unique you are. But I'll stop here. As grown as I am, I'm still a little boy when it comes to crushes.

To all my celebrity crushes, I intend on falling back. You hear that, Meg?? You're gonna have to figure it out on your own. And Latto is preoccupied with 21, so no use in explaining myself. But it's gonna be hard to not double-tap my... I mean, Chloe's ass. I ask that you understand my monogamous vision and ...do you, just know that I'm looking for something a bit more wholesome.

Don't worry, Sonic.
I will ALWAYS love you.

SEGA, the love can and will NEVER die.

Shady/Aftermath/G-Unit, I see y'all. I never stopped loving y'all. I just wanted to branch out with different sounds and rhythms. You guys remain the foundation.

And like that, I'm off to the stars.

Good night, StarChasers!

Good night, my someone.

~!Jr.!~

Can't believe it.

After 2 years of no sex and 8 years of no relationship, I am on the cusp of... new love! This time, I'm not gonna say much about who she is or where she's from. She's from the stars, bitch. (lol) Quirky, curvy, passionate, ADORABLE, intelligent, thinks with her heart though she has a brilliant mind...

knows my music.

Intimately.

We've been trying to get it together for quite some time now. She started a life, I started a life... the walls seemed to close in on our relationship. But our conversations are sparking the fire in both of our hearts. I don't want to say things like "I never felt this way before" or "I think she's the one". Those are curses on love. All I know is, my wounded warrior heart is at ease when confronted with the thought of her being there as my romantic muse. 

Music is the only love. We love music. She knows what I do. I know she holds me close. I can elevate her. There is A LOT I can do with her. I'm careful not to Diddy this shit, but her interest in creation opens doors to tutelage. Alas, going into a relationship with that mindset dooms it. I'm just so excited!

I'm in love again!

As far as ANY Simone, I will ALWAYS love you. I just have an untamed heart. I don't want to wait. And it's not fair for me to make you wait. We belong to each other. We're just not good for each other. Or to each other. No one's fault.

Not even hers.

~~CH~~
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Dustbiters

So here we are with a *drKiwi* that never really deserved this type of attention, but started off by asking for it…

Dude is trying to break his way into the game. He says he doesn’t want to use my name to go places, but Lo and behold, I’m his only credible link. He’s got a great pen (writes good raps), but he has NO stage presence and is out of shape. I gave him several shots. He feels my audience is marginal, and if I follow his strategy, I’ll be “right back on top”.

News flash, *drKiwi*: EVERYONE is using my strategy. Not just MY strategy… my OLD strategy. I used to troll rappers/labels/websites, WAY before it was called trolling. SOHH, AllHipHop, …I used to leaving compelling comments that would lead/trace back to my blog (charleshamilton.blogspot.com). Need I mention the reluctant push I gave Nerdcore and Goth Subculture in Hip-Hop.

I got it from 50.

I realized (through you, *drKiwi*) that spirits can lie. You were able to lie your way into my INTENSELY TIGHT IMMEDIATE INNER CIRCLE, and were able to get intimate details about me/us/them. You pose no threat, so I issue none. Just know I believe in a thing called Honor Amongst Thieves. Make sure I get the cut that got my name on it. 

I got yours out there.

-so mote it be

Christ compels. pt. 2

 "Dilla! Madlib in the back. Extra rappin' under the cap. Niggas get that?"
-Charles Hamilton, "Hate This Guy pt. 2"

Not the most profound bar. Just felt good to talk about my long lost brethren.

I told #PastorKiwi that I will be sticking with Wicca. I mean no harm to The House of God (in fact, I hold it to the highest regard), I just am not all the way comfortable TRADITIONALLY serving God. I guess I'm radical for Christ in a way. Still, my creativity has been making room for God/The Lord and Jesus. I regularly use scripture in my music, and I talk The Bible with #PastorKiwi whenever he stops by. Not sure, but he may be here tomorrow. We have some DISCUSSIONS to have. 

I kinda prepare my conversations before they happen.
Whether I know it or not,

Last night was filled with VIVID nightmares. In the dream, I woke up and had no energy for music. And everyone kept calling me, depleting whatever energy I had left for the day. By the time I woke up, I was a shriveled skeleton with flesh on it.
I know I need to take a break. I just get inspired by ANY & EVERYTHING. And I have artist friends that compel me like Christ. The things they say and the things we talk about can provide for a LIFETIME of music. 

Alas, here I am, alone with this bag of tricks and the need to heal.

I'll be around...

-so mote it be

Satanic clarification.

We all have an inner child. Satan embraces yours. 

No matter how big or small…

-so mote it be

Charles Hamilton’s Satanic Rules (of Earth)

NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

If you fear it, embrace it.

Music is the only love.

Favorite color is pink; favorite genre is Rock. But I can promise you Hot-Hop. I’m not gonna stop. (#notgonnastop).

Minors over majors.

Suicide is not an option.

Only a pastor can defeat Satan.

"If I'm lying, I'm flying. Then, them #zombies'll ride!"

-Spud Mack

#somoteitbe

Space is the Place

THE GAMING UNIVERSE:

Nintmayfield

Barry Genesis

Altari 

Jamestation

Mikerosoft

Bill Arcade 

THE OUTER LIMITS:

Day Twa

Dark Shadows

The Unseen

The Twilight Zone

(#cHam!)

(The Doc is watching… (#xRated)

A witch’s update!

Not to be easily understood, not to be misunderstood.

I am *now* allowed one punch-in in my songs! I recently got the notion, but it was confirmed by one of my EldersInTheCraft. The one take theory is based on the concept of One (holding your left index up, love), and its correlation to #theflowstate. Sometimes, spirits rise out of the *user*, causing quirks that either need to be capitalized upon or, simply, better delivered.

I have no shame in my one-take flowstates. I just know that not everyone is prepared to “go with the flow”. And, in 2012-14, I was utilizing Quasimoto’s signature breakdown/choppy flow. It all comes out in the mix, anyway.

Which mix?

-so mote it be

Suicide-all roots

I could write a jazzy intro paragraph about this. But too many lives are on the line with this next stream of thought. I want to introduce, discuss and conclude, BRIEFLY. So, here we go.

Just a few moments ago, I realized that my suicidal nature/logic comes from the ending of Terminator 2: Judgement Day. EVERYONE has seen it, though it's been a few generations. Basically, Arnold was OF what was destroying. The only way to keep the problem from expanding was to destroy himself.

A long time ago, I put an incomplete curse on myself. If certain things occur after recording/releasing... a particular album, I will commit public suicide. Why? Because ONLY A FEW... Michael Jackson-J Dilla included... know the secrets of music. Fewer know the secrets of me. Only I know how to dooit. 

The time is drawing near. 
I am the only light at the end of the tunnel... for me.

Which is making me stronger. "I'M NICE! FUCK YOU if you disagree!" That was my tough talk back then. And I spent hours perfecting the craft that backs up what I'm poppin' shit about. That I'm proud of. My legacy is not the suicide of a white cyborg. My legacy is also not the overdose of a black musician. And though loving oneself is key to loving others, once you step into music, AIN'T SHIT ABOUT YOU.

Love yourself.
Rock the world.

Not the other way around.

That's God-tor Dre's job.

One love, Doc.
I'm following your lead.

~CzH~

Remnants of Rivera

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Right after Jas (Chris' StarChaser-in-law) untangled my hair and gave me a blow out... right after she cut a huge chunk out of my hair because I couldn't handle the pain. lol fuck me.

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Chris Rivera can fucking smoke. We dead smoked EVERY JOINT YOU SEE IN THIS PICTURE, *IN LESS THAN 2 WEEKS*. He says he's stopping, but... I call cap.

Rivera, when you see this, send me any pix you have of us so I can post it! They're not on my computer or phone (for whatever reason).

~!Jr.!~

 

Pix from my Drew-cation

 

At a legendary corn field in Iowa. Won't lie, the brown in me got a bit anxious. Not because of Drew. Just... feelings. Oral history, if you will...

Talking about (my) music with Drew's longtime friend Zack. They used to listen to my music as teens in that very basement.

Out at dinner with Miss Michelle (Drew's mom) and Megan (Drew's sister).

Recording "Corporal Punishment". The concept is in the pictures. The pictures speak volumes. We had to keep it down. Still, it was LIT!

After recording, mixing and mastering #CrprlPnshmnt. Passed out next to Zack... who was up the whole time. (inside joke)

There he is! A DAY ONE... like.. MY FIRST FAN... like ... BEFORE #aCharlesHamiltonfan was known as a StarChaser... like... BEFORE THE SONG EXISTED!!! The concept, maybe. Peace, Simone P.

This key is a symbolic token in Iowa. The history escapes me, but... not much of it does.

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Shouts to my BK Cuz Mar-Q!!! Pick up the [Charles Hamilton x NY Vids] tee on my website. Or, click here.

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Just felt the significance of sitting on a bench in CLEARLY White America. 
More (and less) on that, in a few...

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So Drewzer made this AWESOME t-shirt from a design subtly-inspired by me. Neither of us can make money off it, but it's a one-of-one, and he let me have it. Beyond honored and humbled.

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Oh, yes. There will be bud.

Me and Good Ol' CharlieDawg!!! Affectionately named after me (I shit you not). Pure joy, all around.

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There was another dog, there to. Haven! Haaaaven! A smaller, white (what I think was a) Pomeranian. Sooooo precious!

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Told you, I'll be around!

See you next time, Rivera!!!

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Drew asked permission to take a pic of me in the Iowa State Cyclones tee, not knowing if I was sleep or awake. lol I dead was. It was all good. lol smh

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Final day. Spent time outside creating Negro Spiritual and Blue Eyed-Soul beats/instrumentals. Didn't want the neighborhood to think I was a one-trick pony!

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I learned a lot on this trip to Suburbia. Really, my only interaction with white people has been from being a Cleveland native. And I was AROUND some white people. BIG time. Though I let the hood rough me up, I didn't lose my grace. I stand proud as an extraterrestial in a Black Man's body that I did not fulfill ANY stereotypes. Black men, learn about yourselves before you play hardball.

-so mote it be

Mama said…

At this moment, I am in StarChaser Andrew Howe’s basement, reflecting in the times that led to the music that got me here. I had a blast making the music (emphasis on MAKING), but the times surrounding it suck. Some of the people I praise and hold in high regard really aren’t shit. Very few were as progressive as me, and they didn’t want to hang out with me because I used to use. I had to keep my habit from them… and Mom.

Mom randomly drug tested me in 10th grade. And I tested positive. I told every lie there was to tell, to keep from getting whipped with this patented leather belt with gold studs. Finally, I admitted to it. From there, I was sent to the Harlem Youth Marine Corps. Now, I take pride in my discipline. It takes a lot for me to lose sight of my goal. Still, I learned a lot about discipline and responsibility there. 

I wasn’t mad at my mom for that. It’s the fact I used to lie on my high that bothers me today. To be real, Heroin is like a 30-minute orgasm. That comes with a heavy weight on you, whether you smoke, sniff or pop. The more you do it, the more numb you get to it. After a while, nothing pleases you. The depression is all that remains. That’s why I been sticking with weed and my meds. Plus, with all the drug variations out now, it’s not even safe to try anymore.

Don’t tell lies, yall. They always pop up in your mind. And randomly. You have to lose your consciousness to be free from the lives that enslave your soul. You hear that, rappers?! Cappin till you happen to have it just isn’t happening. Your lies impact the dreams of the dreamer. Now I can’t tell the world to do Heroin, I can only tell you I feel on and off it. If I did it now, I’d probably hurt myself. And if I keep talking about it, ima look like a fool. So here.

Drugs are bad. So is Shenseea.

-so mote it be