Aphrodite's Failure (a freewrite)

Pieces of me have become mere memoirs within moments of you.

I find myself putting myself back together

Whilst I tear 

And tear myself apart

Looking at you

From a distance.

My villainous behavior is blamed for my villainous behavior.

To heal from wounds caused by the killer of an open heart

Is the sanctum of a hermit lover.

All I ever wanted to do was fetally lay between the legs of my muse

Wrap my arms around her back.

Love her

Deeper than worship.

Every moment is my last when I am loving her.

Her satisfaction is my survival.

O, to live forever.

I grab my chest.

My pain is love. 

I want to love her too much.

I want to...

I have died from heartbreak.

If not heartbreak, loneliness.

Digging deep within love to find my words. 

I have died again.

All I have is music. 

I cannot write another love song. 

I may stab my heart with my pen.

I may slit my throat as I sing.

I may break my head on the beat.

Why is Love so painful?

Why is my love not enough?

Why is my love never enough?

My love is not ever enough.

I must release this blotch of emotion.

To continue living.

To continue loving.

Fuck you, okay?

You don't see your worth.

You motivate, and kill inspiration. 

With your good deeds.

You feel better?

Leave me alone.

Leave me the fuck alone.

Leave me the FUCK alone.

!

My body is strung by my spirit.

I can feel no more.

My bones are suffocating. 

My faith is in love.

My faith is dying.

Aphrodite has failed.

Cupid is a businessman.

Chilvalry disgusts the worthy.

This is for the lover in you.

#boyohboy

Curtis, Isaac, Marvin

Devotion.

I spent this Thanksgiving with Curtis Mayfield, Isaac Hayes, Jimi Hendrix, Marvin Gaye and DJ Jazzy Jeff.

And 9th and ALC.

Yes, Em, 50, Dre and Hov were around.

But because I spent most of my early teen years (and... in some cases, my whole life) with them as my primary focus, didnt focus on them too much.

I superlove the Shady/Aftermath staff, so I'll catch them at a cookout sometime in the near future.

Anyhooligan, we made a pact to bring salvation back.

Yeah, MiJack is around here too.

He just makes niggas cry all the time.

Anyway, we're celebrating my signing to Stax Records.

The Undertaker provided us with beers and a whole stack of records to play with.

For the record, 9th is a dime.

Like... a Dilla-level dime.

And Alchemist is 98% capable of fucking the shit out of a broad.

I just thought I'd let y'all know what they're capable of.

But yeah.

Stax2k, baby!

🙃

I love Mayfield's company.

Isaac is showing me how to be a greater gentleman.

Marvin brings the essence of my mother (back) to me.

I am Jimi Hendrix.

I miss you, Miss Joplin.

I hope everyone out there in reality enjoyed their Thanksgiving.

Much love, hugs and Pharrell prayer hands in place of thank yous.

#CLab2021

#overover

#thewater

My wifi was out for most of this week.

Couldn't get in touch with anyone.

And I'm a witch, so I'm not really the most welcome company... anywhere.

BUT... and I'm nervous about sharing this... I graduated in Magic School!

From Witch, to Wizard, to Gypsy (#GypsyH!), to...

Rastafari!

#FarI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It would be comfortable to stay a Gypsy, but... the honor of being a Rastafari is beyond the most pleasant overwhelm.

Thank you, Caribbeana.

I will not let you down.

Just gotta get some weed.

Peaces.

#boyohboy

#QuarantineRegime

 

In a time where business is uncertain and culture is commonplace, the music industry has suffered immensely. The traditional Jamaican SoundClash has been (unfortunately) industrialized, throwing eyes and blowing highs. There is no #in fashion. Television is simply social media. Everyone either talks like a Bumpkin or is StraightOuttaBrooklyn (sp.?).

Music, in it's natural form, has been hurt.

As of Monday, November 16th 2020, I, Charles Hamilton, as The Talented Mr. Hamilton, am/is a signed artist on Stax Records.

This is a 7-year deal, with non-exclusive performing rights and first writer's refusal.

As The Talented Mr. Hamilton, you can expect projects from Charles Hamilton, C. Hamilton, #Jr. Charles Hamilton, Jr., The Talented Mr. Hamilton (himself) and Charles Hamilton Unknown (#TheeUnknown).

Though officiality still pending, you can expect #HamiltonWork with 9th Wonder, The Alchemist, MF DOOM, Samiyam, DiBia$e, Jonwayne, DJH2, Bred Wondah, Kev Brown, Tru Master, and, of course, StarChasers.

 This is a progressive step in the direction of Woodstock, Hamiltonized (an all CHamilton-and-CHamilton-related festival) and #Kindergarten, the CH-stageshow-musical. The former being self-explanatory, the latter to be revealed.

Many thanks to my lawyer Isaac Hayes of The Hamilton-Marshall Firm, my manager Rod Sterling and The State of New York for facilitating 10+ years of hard work.

#JrCORP

More music and videos to come.

Thank you.

#VoodooChild#

Granted...

 

[#down.]

Martha Stewart Living (a freewrite)

 "Abishola!", cries Bob.

This love we share is not for the faint of heart.

We both may be exiled.

Excommunicated.

But the taste is not worth avoiding.

Your rage matches my bitch.

My anger matches your fit.

Fuck.

My wounds match your healing.

Your rough matches my touch.

Tongues play games.

Wolves dance to leaves.

As a boy, you were my Sun.

Mere reactions verbalize my feelings.

It's always real.

I am your altarboy slut.

The magic you make.

In death, I am there.

You never die.

You just get clearer.

What I know, you can kill me with.

To be yours.

Pardon my anger and rage.

Your fear will never be at my hands.

You know this.

You can kill me.

You can kill me with it.

I want to serve you.

Guilt-free.

No other intentions.

Allow me to.

"Schoolboy Crush" and a quiet room.

My manhood is shuttering.

Go away!

And don't... ! ... ...forgive me, beloved.

...so, let me serve you.

I must be the only one.

You're here, so you.

Just you.

Punish me like I wronged you.

Before I do.

So I won't.

I love your punishment.

When it's all said and done, I want to better appreciate you. 

And I want you to like me a lot, too.

Like... you loving me, or being in love with me...? ... I never thought about it. 

It's always been you for me. 

Yeah, I'm uhhhh... Ima go take a walk.

Stomach pain and Lolita tears.

Like...

#down 

The Intervention of Charles Hamilton... by Charles Hamilton

  

I am in the midst of a horrible comedown.

I hate to admit it, but when I make and release music at a high rate, it's usually a sign of mania.

Enjetic (Danny) doesn't help.

Call me a coward or a true music connoisseur, but I can't and don't call him wack.

I see him for the more than who he is on the surface, and that's why I put up with his abuse.

And the abuse is in many forms.

In my defense, I make him sound good.

Same with about 99% of the people I work with, with 100% of the 99 being no names.

When they eventually get the spotlight they are searching for, they realize I was right the whole time and either sheepishly try to return to my inner corcle or get more disrespectful.

I am given the option to deny their return or contemplate homicide.

Overall, the "fuck you" they deserve is in boldface.

I called VSDiamond today, and told her to "hit me with" the abuse of how bad of a person I am.

Just to use as fuel for suicide.

And she obliged.

She has no reason to be the beacon of light to make me stop.

So I told her I wanted her to "hit me with" it so I can commit suicide.

Eventually, the intensity stopped, and I was able to meekly ask for her to order me McDonald's through GrubHub.

And she obliged.

I have no reason to believe #Baddie isn't sowing her wild oats in California.

That's what "Jr.'s Gothic Bachelor Party" is all about.

Fuck you all.

You make me feel guilty about being suicidal, yet drive me to it.

Why suicide?

 I dont want to be in jail for the rest of my life around some dirty dick, unintelligent scumbags who likely know me from XXL and Briana.

I am not in a gang, so I have no friends.

I can trust no female, outside of the --AlienInvasion.

And even then, my rose-tinted shades have scratches on the frames.

I am saving my own life by writing this.

I don't even remember which blog this is.

I don't want to hate myself.

Or anyone.

But that's what is happening.

My hate f...... in GENERAL, is pushing me forward.

I am a man who listens and gives wisdom.

That gets me no respect.

So fuck you all.

And now, I miss you.

I know what happens in death.

And 3-4 years ago, it would've been a peaceful eternity.

Now, I'll be more hurt dead than I am alive.

But...

Charles Hamilton saved my life.

Charles Hamilton is saving my life.

Charles Hamilton is saving my life, right now.

Thanks, CH.

YOU ARE OWED THE WORLD, AND THEN SOME.

I earned a gift for myself, before my 33rd birthday, in my 33rd year.

That makes me feel good. 

But what's a gift if you had to earn it?

It was mine to begin with. 

!

.

I gotta pee.

Maybe that's the disdain within. 

I might get a cup of coffee shortly.

I'll listen to some forbidden CH music on the way.

I am saving my own life by writing this.

#boyohboy

[don't threaten me, Danny; Im not your enemy]

2020 EarlyWrapUp

C. Hamilton ran the streets for almost 2 years, commiting no crimes.

This has been #JrYear.

Jr. has emerged, and made his mark in music.

And has a bench warrant for a vicious, unsolicited attack on the LIRR.

Charles Hamilton has been evicted from 6 houses (10, if you count 2019), got into 2 fights in a Temporary House, got Gothically Engaged and the engagement was called off.

--Aliens and The Sun and The Hamilton Quazar were runaway successes on YouTube, but the numbers don't reflect such.

Nevertheless, the mainstream (media and music) have embraced these ventures.

Valera is fine, thanks for asking.

Both Simones keep on runnin' in and out of my life.

Daft Punk are interested in buying The Philadelphia 76ers.

As we approach 2021 (#GameOverTime), a new CH-genre has been established.

It is only a matter of creating, at this point.

When I get some tunes down, I will introduce her.

Meantime...

My new goal is to self-release and distribute a compact disc (CD).

It costs $600 to do so, and only 250 copies will be made (initially).

#TheMidnightSociety (facebook.com/NiGHTSVentura) are first priority, but Im very self-conscious about asking them to buy stuff from me.

I havent bought #VeyaShades like I intend(ed) to, and... #BlameTLC.

[im not a scrub]

But... economically, which ultimately means socialogically and beaurocratically, they can help me win.

In a game designed to exploit them.

And kill me.

CLab 2021

Underneath the water.

Stay tuned.

The Hamilton Show rolls on...

#VoodooChild...

EnTH presents: #Jr.

#here.

 

The Nu-American Flag

|#down.|

 

Villain. Rain (dawtasong)

I can stop it all

Tears from the sky

 

[.]

?/

AUTOPLAY

CLab 2021

[underneath the water...]

You're more than welcome to stop by.

Wherever I'm at.

Just let me know in advanced.

I have to tidy up.

IcyU 2.

[under review]

"15 yards, 3rd Down."

 

#ConGo update

"Finding Brooklyn Starr" and "Grand Rising" are not my original production (DJ Premier and Pete Rock, respectively), and I haven't gotten official word from either about the availability of the instrumentals.

The plan was to make a street tape on an album level, and watch it bubble from TheUnderground.

Time and life moved forward, and I want to make it all my production.

Keeping the same theme of ConservativeGoth.

I

 am very excited about my artwork these days.

Kinda been outdoing myself.

I would love to do graphic arts.

I'm very good at it.

I just feel as though such an idea is hereditary, to an extent.

Something new just came up in #TheHamiltonQuazar.

I'll keep you posted.

[tag forgotten] 

 

Chewy Jawbreakers (a freewrite)

Before I knew me, I met you.

Before I met you, I knew you.

I have been all about you since I met you.

Before I met you, I knew you.

Nothing has prepared me for you so far.

Nothing has prepared me for you, so far.

You are why preparing is needed.

You raise me as a father, as an aunt, from so far away.

You are my partner in crime, if you will.

My standard of being a man.

Yet...

I meet your standards eye to eye.

Yet I fall short of being your desire.

Yet, I fall short of being your desire.

Yes, I fall short of being your desire.

Yes I fall short of being your desire.

But we are what love is.

We were what love was.

I am not a gambling man.

Losing you proved why.

I don't want to move on.

Life is built on our togetherness.

Yet I must.

Yet, I must.

Yes, I must.

Yes I must.

The Root has lost it's Snake.

Be proud to be The Snake.

We were once one, ya know?

Feel, as The Root dies.

Inside.

Leave me alone.

Please?

[tag forgotten]