Uncool Christmas.

 So.

After being deceived into being put into a permanent mental hospital in Virginia, I managed to make it back to New York.

From there, I had a politician landlord, who was money hungry and attention-starved.
I had very little money, so I used my platform to offer support and endorsement. 
Still he instigated fights and, inevitably, put me out.
During the COVID-19 crisis.

An artist with limited skill and intellect continued and continues to berate and demean me and my talent, only offering praise when he needs said talent to push him forward in life.

I have been in 4-5 temporary houses, being belittled and demerited as an individual everywhere I went.
I have gotten into several physical altercations.

I currently live in an estate where I am the only Negro resident.
Not just on the property, but in the area.
And I am being discriminated against.

Much more to mention, I'm sure, but...

Now I spend Christmas alone.

It doesn't matter how much money I spend or attention I give.

EVERYONE wants something they are too cowardly (read: pussy) to ask for.

The question isn't whether I have it or not.
Even when it is.

So.

Expect graphic and drastic changes in the coming year.

Love rears it's ugly head.

Enjoy your holiday season.

-CHJrEsq.

Fireside, blazing #bright

Several mid-life crisises in one year, coupled with losses, breakups and mourning.

Creatively, this was a monumental year.
Personally, ...like, on a personal level, this year was tumultuous. 

I follow my heart.
I love who and how I love.

Yet, I am alone for the holidays.

No one's fault.
No one's remedy.

I was telling someone online yesterday that I would love to be with a celebrity chick.
I have told the world that I would love to be with an FDAlien.




When can I be in love with myself?
When will I not be criminalized for such?

Happy hollowdays, everyone.

#uncooler

Un-Gang Related

^
^
^

Stinger!!!

#ColumbineGang

#CGi

CHJrEsq.

 

Are we celebrating xmas this year (2020)?

 

Happy hollowdays.

-CHJrEsq.

{#boyohboy}

No Cuomo

Happy hollowdays.

-CHJrEsq.

(#boyohboy)

 

Today10 10Today

 10 years of today.

10 years ago, I was first hospitalized for mental health. 

10 years ago, I met a young lady who would change my life forever.

10 years ago, I met a guy who literally was ride or die.

10 years ago, I started producing on GarageBand and Logic.

10 years ago today, I was incarcerated for assaulting a police officer.

The lady is not present in my life (in her true form).

The guy has since passed.

I pled guilty, and have restrictions on going back to Cleveland.

There have been many updates on Logic and GarageBand.

I am happy to be free.

To be able to walk around in peace, so long as I don't cause a ruckus. 

I am in a relationship, it's long distance, but the love is strong.

I do not want to lose my freedom again.

I like to believe I have elevated since jail.

No arrests since.

Just hospitalizations.

I'm watching my temper.

My drug intake.

Admittedly, I drink more. 

But I think more.

I want and would love to teach someday.

I am learning proper teacher etiquette.

I made more of myself since jail.

Though I know she is, I hope my mother is proud.

Thank you for always holding me down.

Thank you Joe and The Ruperto Family.

I love you, Grandma.

All apologies to those I've "burned" in the last 8 years.

I'm used to being alone, I'm used to being used and my heart is healing.

I am love, says Jack Splash and The Jacksons.

Special thank you to George Massa, for being the damn thing he is.

I honor you, J Dilla.

I love you more, DaPu.

The whole Federation. 

Just know, showing you guys the kind of love you are entitled to and deserve leads to arrests and hospitalizations.

And beef in these streetz.

I see you, Jov.

Slim!

40 sets of it, nigga!

Im out to #TheTavern.

Won't start, won't be.

LoveLove, y'all. 

#ColumbineGang

Possible #nurecruit announcement, soon.

#uncooler

addendum: 

10 years ago, I officially started DJing.

Also 10 years ago, I devoted myself to Magic & The Dark Arts.

RudeTV

Whether you exist or not, I would like for my YouTube content, specifically the playlists, to serve as the initial, immediate programming.

Yesterday was the final episode of --Aliens and The Sun.

It was emotional and lit.

Above is the episode itself.

But... to Dreamland.

Chiller, Syfy [The Sci-Fi Channel] and Shudder all come together (with #TheTalented, of course) and submitted archived and original content to #RudeTV.

#RudeTV partners with #Apple and #SEGA to create #Hellivision.
A 3D visual network experienceexperience network.

Like a haunted house in your living room.

To be made mobile.

Sonic the Hedgehog will become #TheNewGod.

Dr. Robotnik will become #ThatOldDevil.

M. Night Shyamalan will be responsible for #ThNextBible.

Chance the Rapper will be responsible for #Gothspel.

Jay-Z will be active-though-unofficial principal of Frederick Douglass Academy.
DoE, please make a note of it.

I have to personally investigate The Greater Bronx Area.
Yesterday was an eye-opener.

As mentioned earlier {on this blog}, I am a #GreenParty representative.

Whatever region I live in long-term, I will represent #TheGreenParty from and in.

Keepin' it real is confused with being rude.

If you wanna be rude, you're following your heart.

Hearts stop.

1 Corinthians 13:11 (kjv)

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

LoveAllNight, y'all...

#uncooler

ScreenActorsGuild

 

 I have had a bond with the Shady/Aftermath/G-Unit roster for almost as long as I've been alive.

As a celebration of their influence and... fuck it, a demo tape of my skill, I present to you...

The Scarlet Letter.

Thank you, #DreAndTheGang.

Many memories.

Good and bad.

Always good with y'all, always bad with all.

addendum: 

I'm Mike from Long Island (Star-n-Buc; sorry, Em)

I'm chamzino@hotmail.com (sorry, Em and Dre)

I held resentment towards 50 for being TOO much of a Curtis (sorry, 50)

I said "Shady/Aftermath can swallow" when in the studio with SKE, Spud and a few others, in the spirit of #4Love (sorry, sorrynotsorry, but sorry guys)

I don't like Kendrick or Game.

Stay away from Freddie Gibbs.

{i love you, simone}

#uncooler

Where everybody knows your name.

VERY busy day today.

A lot got done.

When you're your own boss, everyone is a competitor.

I'm getting back to me. 

Many have prevailed through me. 

Few/all have complained/complaints. 

Columbine Gang.

Stax2k!

#boyohboy 

 

Aphrodite's Failure (a freewrite)

Pieces of me have become mere memoirs within moments of you.

I find myself putting myself back together

Whilst I tear 

And tear myself apart

Looking at you

From a distance.

My villainous behavior is blamed for my villainous behavior.

To heal from wounds caused by the killer of an open heart

Is the sanctum of a hermit lover.

All I ever wanted to do was fetally lay between the legs of my muse

Wrap my arms around her back.

Love her

Deeper than worship.

Every moment is my last when I am loving her.

Her satisfaction is my survival.

O, to live forever.

I grab my chest.

My pain is love. 

I want to love her too much.

I want to...

I have died from heartbreak.

If not heartbreak, loneliness.

Digging deep within love to find my words. 

I have died again.

All I have is music. 

I cannot write another love song. 

I may stab my heart with my pen.

I may slit my throat as I sing.

I may break my head on the beat.

Why is Love so painful?

Why is my love not enough?

Why is my love never enough?

My love is not ever enough.

I must release this blotch of emotion.

To continue living.

To continue loving.

Fuck you, okay?

You don't see your worth.

You motivate, and kill inspiration. 

With your good deeds.

You feel better?

Leave me alone.

Leave me the fuck alone.

Leave me the FUCK alone.

!

My body is strung by my spirit.

I can feel no more.

My bones are suffocating. 

My faith is in love.

My faith is dying.

Aphrodite has failed.

Cupid is a businessman.

Chilvalry disgusts the worthy.

This is for the lover in you.

#boyohboy

Curtis, Isaac, Marvin

Devotion.

I spent this Thanksgiving with Curtis Mayfield, Isaac Hayes, Jimi Hendrix, Marvin Gaye and DJ Jazzy Jeff.

And 9th and ALC.

Yes, Em, 50, Dre and Hov were around.

But because I spent most of my early teen years (and... in some cases, my whole life) with them as my primary focus, didnt focus on them too much.

I superlove the Shady/Aftermath staff, so I'll catch them at a cookout sometime in the near future.

Anyhooligan, we made a pact to bring salvation back.

Yeah, MiJack is around here too.

He just makes niggas cry all the time.

Anyway, we're celebrating my signing to Stax Records.

The Undertaker provided us with beers and a whole stack of records to play with.

For the record, 9th is a dime.

Like... a Dilla-level dime.

And Alchemist is 98% capable of fucking the shit out of a broad.

I just thought I'd let y'all know what they're capable of.

But yeah.

Stax2k, baby!

🙃

I love Mayfield's company.

Isaac is showing me how to be a greater gentleman.

Marvin brings the essence of my mother (back) to me.

I am Jimi Hendrix.

I miss you, Miss Joplin.

I hope everyone out there in reality enjoyed their Thanksgiving.

Much love, hugs and Pharrell prayer hands in place of thank yous.

#CLab2021

#overover

#thewater

My wifi was out for most of this week.

Couldn't get in touch with anyone.

And I'm a witch, so I'm not really the most welcome company... anywhere.

BUT... and I'm nervous about sharing this... I graduated in Magic School!

From Witch, to Wizard, to Gypsy (#GypsyH!), to...

Rastafari!

#FarI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It would be comfortable to stay a Gypsy, but... the honor of being a Rastafari is beyond the most pleasant overwhelm.

Thank you, Caribbeana.

I will not let you down.

Just gotta get some weed.

Peaces.

#boyohboy

#QuarantineRegime

 

In a time where business is uncertain and culture is commonplace, the music industry has suffered immensely. The traditional Jamaican SoundClash has been (unfortunately) industrialized, throwing eyes and blowing highs. There is no #in fashion. Television is simply social media. Everyone either talks like a Bumpkin or is StraightOuttaBrooklyn (sp.?).

Music, in it's natural form, has been hurt.

As of Monday, November 16th 2020, I, Charles Hamilton, as The Talented Mr. Hamilton, am/is a signed artist on Stax Records.

This is a 7-year deal, with non-exclusive performing rights and first writer's refusal.

As The Talented Mr. Hamilton, you can expect projects from Charles Hamilton, C. Hamilton, #Jr. Charles Hamilton, Jr., The Talented Mr. Hamilton (himself) and Charles Hamilton Unknown (#TheeUnknown).

Though officiality still pending, you can expect #HamiltonWork with 9th Wonder, The Alchemist, MF DOOM, Samiyam, DiBia$e, Jonwayne, DJH2, Bred Wondah, Kev Brown, Tru Master, and, of course, StarChasers.

 This is a progressive step in the direction of Woodstock, Hamiltonized (an all CHamilton-and-CHamilton-related festival) and #Kindergarten, the CH-stageshow-musical. The former being self-explanatory, the latter to be revealed.

Many thanks to my lawyer Isaac Hayes of The Hamilton-Marshall Firm, my manager Rod Sterling and The State of New York for facilitating 10+ years of hard work.

#JrCORP

More music and videos to come.

Thank you.

#VoodooChild#

Granted...

 

[#down.]

Martha Stewart Living (a freewrite)

 "Abishola!", cries Bob.

This love we share is not for the faint of heart.

We both may be exiled.

Excommunicated.

But the taste is not worth avoiding.

Your rage matches my bitch.

My anger matches your fit.

Fuck.

My wounds match your healing.

Your rough matches my touch.

Tongues play games.

Wolves dance to leaves.

As a boy, you were my Sun.

Mere reactions verbalize my feelings.

It's always real.

I am your altarboy slut.

The magic you make.

In death, I am there.

You never die.

You just get clearer.

What I know, you can kill me with.

To be yours.

Pardon my anger and rage.

Your fear will never be at my hands.

You know this.

You can kill me.

You can kill me with it.

I want to serve you.

Guilt-free.

No other intentions.

Allow me to.

"Schoolboy Crush" and a quiet room.

My manhood is shuttering.

Go away!

And don't... ! ... ...forgive me, beloved.

...so, let me serve you.

I must be the only one.

You're here, so you.

Just you.

Punish me like I wronged you.

Before I do.

So I won't.

I love your punishment.

When it's all said and done, I want to better appreciate you. 

And I want you to like me a lot, too.

Like... you loving me, or being in love with me...? ... I never thought about it. 

It's always been you for me. 

Yeah, I'm uhhhh... Ima go take a walk.

Stomach pain and Lolita tears.

Like...

#down 

The Intervention of Charles Hamilton... by Charles Hamilton

  

I am in the midst of a horrible comedown.

I hate to admit it, but when I make and release music at a high rate, it's usually a sign of mania.

Enjetic (Danny) doesn't help.

Call me a coward or a true music connoisseur, but I can't and don't call him wack.

I see him for the more than who he is on the surface, and that's why I put up with his abuse.

And the abuse is in many forms.

In my defense, I make him sound good.

Same with about 99% of the people I work with, with 100% of the 99 being no names.

When they eventually get the spotlight they are searching for, they realize I was right the whole time and either sheepishly try to return to my inner corcle or get more disrespectful.

I am given the option to deny their return or contemplate homicide.

Overall, the "fuck you" they deserve is in boldface.

I called VSDiamond today, and told her to "hit me with" the abuse of how bad of a person I am.

Just to use as fuel for suicide.

And she obliged.

She has no reason to be the beacon of light to make me stop.

So I told her I wanted her to "hit me with" it so I can commit suicide.

Eventually, the intensity stopped, and I was able to meekly ask for her to order me McDonald's through GrubHub.

And she obliged.

I have no reason to believe #Baddie isn't sowing her wild oats in California.

That's what "Jr.'s Gothic Bachelor Party" is all about.

Fuck you all.

You make me feel guilty about being suicidal, yet drive me to it.

Why suicide?

 I dont want to be in jail for the rest of my life around some dirty dick, unintelligent scumbags who likely know me from XXL and Briana.

I am not in a gang, so I have no friends.

I can trust no female, outside of the --AlienInvasion.

And even then, my rose-tinted shades have scratches on the frames.

I am saving my own life by writing this.

I don't even remember which blog this is.

I don't want to hate myself.

Or anyone.

But that's what is happening.

My hate f...... in GENERAL, is pushing me forward.

I am a man who listens and gives wisdom.

That gets me no respect.

So fuck you all.

And now, I miss you.

I know what happens in death.

And 3-4 years ago, it would've been a peaceful eternity.

Now, I'll be more hurt dead than I am alive.

But...

Charles Hamilton saved my life.

Charles Hamilton is saving my life.

Charles Hamilton is saving my life, right now.

Thanks, CH.

YOU ARE OWED THE WORLD, AND THEN SOME.

I earned a gift for myself, before my 33rd birthday, in my 33rd year.

That makes me feel good. 

But what's a gift if you had to earn it?

It was mine to begin with. 

!

.

I gotta pee.

Maybe that's the disdain within. 

I might get a cup of coffee shortly.

I'll listen to some forbidden CH music on the way.

I am saving my own life by writing this.

#boyohboy

[don't threaten me, Danny; Im not your enemy]

2020 EarlyWrapUp

C. Hamilton ran the streets for almost 2 years, commiting no crimes.

This has been #JrYear.

Jr. has emerged, and made his mark in music.

And has a bench warrant for a vicious, unsolicited attack on the LIRR.

Charles Hamilton has been evicted from 6 houses (10, if you count 2019), got into 2 fights in a Temporary House, got Gothically Engaged and the engagement was called off.

--Aliens and The Sun and The Hamilton Quazar were runaway successes on YouTube, but the numbers don't reflect such.

Nevertheless, the mainstream (media and music) have embraced these ventures.

Valera is fine, thanks for asking.

Both Simones keep on runnin' in and out of my life.

Daft Punk are interested in buying The Philadelphia 76ers.

As we approach 2021 (#GameOverTime), a new CH-genre has been established.

It is only a matter of creating, at this point.

When I get some tunes down, I will introduce her.

Meantime...

My new goal is to self-release and distribute a compact disc (CD).

It costs $600 to do so, and only 250 copies will be made (initially).

#TheMidnightSociety (facebook.com/NiGHTSVentura) are first priority, but Im very self-conscious about asking them to buy stuff from me.

I havent bought #VeyaShades like I intend(ed) to, and... #BlameTLC.

[im not a scrub]

But... economically, which ultimately means socialogically and beaurocratically, they can help me win.

In a game designed to exploit them.

And kill me.

CLab 2021

Underneath the water.

Stay tuned.

The Hamilton Show rolls on...

#VoodooChild...

EnTH presents: #Jr.

#here.

 

The Nu-American Flag

|#down.|

 

Villain. Rain (dawtasong)

I can stop it all

Tears from the sky

 

[.]

?/

AUTOPLAY

CLab 2021

[underneath the water...]

You're more than welcome to stop by.

Wherever I'm at.

Just let me know in advanced.

I have to tidy up.

IcyU 2.

[under review]

"15 yards, 3rd Down."

 

#ConGo update

"Finding Brooklyn Starr" and "Grand Rising" are not my original production (DJ Premier and Pete Rock, respectively), and I haven't gotten official word from either about the availability of the instrumentals.

The plan was to make a street tape on an album level, and watch it bubble from TheUnderground.

Time and life moved forward, and I want to make it all my production.

Keeping the same theme of ConservativeGoth.

I

 am very excited about my artwork these days.

Kinda been outdoing myself.

I would love to do graphic arts.

I'm very good at it.

I just feel as though such an idea is hereditary, to an extent.

Something new just came up in #TheHamiltonQuazar.

I'll keep you posted.

[tag forgotten] 

 

Chewy Jawbreakers (a freewrite)

Before I knew me, I met you.

Before I met you, I knew you.

I have been all about you since I met you.

Before I met you, I knew you.

Nothing has prepared me for you so far.

Nothing has prepared me for you, so far.

You are why preparing is needed.

You raise me as a father, as an aunt, from so far away.

You are my partner in crime, if you will.

My standard of being a man.

Yet...

I meet your standards eye to eye.

Yet I fall short of being your desire.

Yet, I fall short of being your desire.

Yes, I fall short of being your desire.

Yes I fall short of being your desire.

But we are what love is.

We were what love was.

I am not a gambling man.

Losing you proved why.

I don't want to move on.

Life is built on our togetherness.

Yet I must.

Yet, I must.

Yes, I must.

Yes I must.

The Root has lost it's Snake.

Be proud to be The Snake.

We were once one, ya know?

Feel, as The Root dies.

Inside.

Leave me alone.

Please?

[tag forgotten]

Conservative Goth (#ConGo)

In progress...

Feature production from myself, Pete Rock, DJ Premier, J Dilla, Scott Storch and others.

'Twill be The 2020 Album of the Year.

#down.

Produced by Charles Hamilton

Maine Brooks.

Gothemian Black

New Maine Brooks completed and on the way.

#unbelievable

Secrets and Privacy

I'm standing here until you make me move.

...hanging by a moment, here with you.

Click here.

Click here.

Click here.

=The Immortal=

(early release; Happy Birthday, Isa Valera!!!)

#HotGothSummer shots (so far)

Definitely plans for posters and t-shirts.

...and an OnlyFans for the females who find me worth wasting time and Qi for/over.

8/11, y'all...

=The Immortal=

Hot Goth Summer

Retirement Plan

July 4th, 2020

Secrets and Privacy

August 11th, 2020

Thank you Kool Herc.

Thank you Grandmaster Flash.

Thank you Dr. Dre.

Thank you Bomb Squad.

Thank you DJ Premier.

Thank you Pete Rock.

Thank you Alchemist.

Thank you 9th Wonder.

Thank you J Dilla.

Thank you Madlib.

Thank you Big Pun.

Thank you DMX.

Thank you Wu-Tang.

Thank you Nas.

Thank you Jay-Z.

Thank you Eminem.

Thank you Lil Wayne.

Thank you Jadakiss.

Thank you Freeway.

Thank you Slick Rick.

Thank you Common.

Thank you The Neptunes.

Thank you Beck.

Everything left out, you can blame it on the brain.

Not the heart.

Stand clear of the closing doors, please...

=The Immortal=

Private Account (C. Hamilton) official lyrics

I ain't even take my jacket off yet.

Matter fact, I'ma chill. Let me come up with the hook first.

I can stop The Rain. The Sun will cause no pain. But still, nobody knows my name. M-mm. Nobody knows my name. I can cause no shame. Everybody keep tellin' me to change. But still, nobody knows my name. M-mm. Nobody knows my name.

God, damn.

I black out in the middle of day. Noontime, sippin' Moonshine. "What the hay?!" Taking hay to the lip like a needle. Still bleeding. I can't believe you. When it's that time, The Minister of Rhyme comes back and backslides. ...smacks your mind. From the inside. You thought about the crime you committed. Still, I am mine, and I'm living. Until my suicide, I really get it. Somebody gonna cry, 'cause I'm living in the now. And the now is forever, when you're dead. Let it linger. Infester in your head. Forever. I'll be there, with my arm above the ground. Harming sound, but still mending it. My friendship with music is never ending. The Endless Cycle. Begin, my rival.

I can stop The Rain. The Sun will cause no pain. But still, nobody knows my name. M-mm. Nobody knows my name. I can cause no shame. Everybody keep tellin' me to change. But still, nobody knows my name. M-mm. Nobody knows my name.

God, damn.

My chick left me, after I was freed. Finally she's with a guy she needs. Should I cry? Should I grieve? I mean, the pussy was good, but why does she need some kind of cheese? She got the smile that'll make me great. Not an 808. I don't need to smoke Shake. I feel great when I look her in her eyes, but her eyes are full of lies. She's with a guy who's a crook. Took what was mine. If I commit a crime to get her back, it's a wrap. I'll finally, be the kind of guy she would need to laugh at. To make her day better. Way better. So I feel like May( )weather. Yeah, I could read but illiteracy is why a nigga just speaks what he feels.  Can't understand? God damn! I'm the man! My whole life! No, I don't write!

I can stop The Rain. The Sun will cause no pain. But still, nobody knows my name. M-mm. Nobody knows my name. I can cause no shame. Everybody keep tellin' me to change. But still, nobody knows my name. M-mm. Nobody knows my name.

God, damn.

My rapist said he did the shit for the family's attention. I think about that, reflecting on detention. Crying out for attention. Senseless. Hand in the air. I don't get shit. I don't answer questions correctly. Interviews direct me to The Red Sea. Whether red or dead, still Estevez. Top Gun. More like his brother. Tom Cruise, but brown skinned. I'm not losing. I make toms cruise. I'm now prusing. Perusing. ...it's the Peruvian. Regardless, my nigga. This is UPN. 

produced by Stu Bangas.

=The Immortal=

Paternity.

=The Immortal=

Every Wedding (a freewrite)

Afraid to see you.

My sins make me afraid to see you.

I justify my fear by your inferno.
Your inferno, unbeknownst to you.

When I did measure up, I didnt serve.
Service.
I can never measure up.
Only overflow the banks with potential.
No foresight.

You provide the breeze of complacency.
For the corporate.
You provide docile for the rebel.

I completely shut the fuck up around you.

Hear it.
The sound of me screaming your name.

Know that the desire for the inverse is the drive to be the driver.

You know my future.
I have yet to live it.

My needs do not want you to restrict.
I want to unleash my needs on you.

Confidence and a good sense of humor.

Such is why I never crash a wedding.
And may always be alone.

Wish you were here.


. . .

=The Immortal=

(note: "chicks" are pieces of Charles Hamilton; "bicthes" are karmatic manifestations of Charles Hamilton)

Your tiny hand...

So, ...aight.

The next relationship Im in is it.
Whether we have a past or are perfect strangers.

Im letting her know EVERYTHING, off the rio.

Lol #offtherio.

I'm looking into #TheRing now.

I am lead.
She is refuge.

Very lonely.
Lovesick.

Kinda sad.

Frustrated.

And a new album is complete.

Polygamy, on the hand of the beheld.

I love you toomuchalready, #Simone.

=The Immortal=

I was just thinkin' about you...

So, y'all wondered why you barely saw me.
I was there the whole time.

I love you guys too much to face you.
I was there the whole time.

I love you guys too much to face you.
You are divine.
I was there the whole time.

I face desires and feelings I have not the courage to verbalize.
I feel like a cornball for how I feel about you guys.
I love you guys too much to face you.
I was there the whole time.

I am, can be and will be annoying.
Irritating.
You leave me clueless.
It takes extreme courage to talk to each of you.
I love you too much to face you.

I was there the whole time.

I miss you guys.
I am and can be jealous.
I don't want to say sorry for being so lame, but I am.
Both lame and sorry.
But I'm lit.
Overlit.

Whatever I have to be to keep the only reason(s) I have to keep living.

I was there the whole time.
I was there the whole time.

It feels good to be your baby brother.
Your guilty pleasure.

I live to love you guys.
No matter what.

I was there the whole time.

IVforever.

=The Immortal=

The Chronicles of Superdad

Nothing official.
Nothing legal.

Only signs from TheUniverse.

I feel I will be with my children soon.

More than happy about it.

The problem:
I have to feed, clothe and house them.

I have no steady income or place to stay.

Their mothers make more than me and have great living conditions.
They just, truth be told, are unfit mothers.

I am only one man.
With insecurities out of this world.

Being "in tune with my feminine side" can lead to conflicts for and with my sons.
Being "a nigga" or "a real nigga" is toxic, in many ways, for my daughter.

As much as I can teach and with all the love I have... and as bad as my children need me in their life... they need both parents.

Individuals who grew up without both parents are unbalanced.
That's the last thing I want my children to exist as.

The grind is major.

If I do end up with custody of my children, less music may be made.
I've accepted that to be the case years ago.
I've laced you all with lifetimes and anthologies of heat.

Like..., yo.

Tomorrow was a hyper-planned pregnancy.
Even with me not trusting her mother fully.

Danjer is a blessing of a miracle baby.
I faced impotency from the psych meds I had to take.

Crazh is wild, but only I know his fragility.
I must be there for him.
Help him understand who HE is.

I somewhat have enough love for myself to not need validation, but this self-love came AFTER they were born.
Who knows what bitter thoughts and emotions (toward me) my children hold?

I love you, #Teamsters.
You come first in my life.

No question.

We gon make it.
We gon make it.

=The Immortal=

One's Inner Urkel

Every first word is a chore.

Every gesture, horribly calculated.

My own self-image, critical when by one's self.

Shit... biological adjustments are made and being made.

And nothing official is set.

Yup.

This chick I'd date is invading.

I can hear the negatives.

I can feel the influence of saying something negative.

The pressure to be Saxophone Wineglass is greater than before.

Mutual friends, and a tragic recent romantic history.

Nigga, "The Browns have only made it to the post-season twice, facing their archnemesis..."

I want to jump the gun.

I know I'll hate myself for it.

But... yeah I want to go frolicking in green pastures like Chance in Homeward Bound.

Nice choice of names, Charles...

I'm back in the Days Inn with Sebastian.

We're supposed to be making music, but we got rocket high (weed) and I passed out.

He was playing Apex, and it was pretty late when I got here.

But damn, man.

This chick I'd date.

We're like subbing each other on IG.

No shots.

Just... if you were heres.

Bear in mind that one false move with FDAliens and an entire school year will be pregnant.

Real quick.

Shout out to Juneteenth.

Idk, papis.

Anyway...

This chick I'd date. 

We have no pictures together.

And I don't like to speak for both of us.

But like... we need pictures together.

I'm gonna step outside for a sec.

Give The Sun it's morning due.

As The Sun is my morning dew.

Give the morning it's due.

I will say...

I'm in the world where we casually call and check on each other.

The first kiss is beyond too much.

The first embrace is paralysis.

We're doing the right thing, moving this slow.

But I'm on your heels.

Enjoy today, Tomorrows.

=The Immortal=